


One Point Perspective

by zigzag (ifntae)



Series: a wondrous place is built, not found [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: "Chwe isn't my dad!", Fluff I guess, JunHao - Freeform, M/M, jicheol - freeform, jihan - freeform, meanie - freeform, ot13 + samuel, single father!hansol, slice of life?, teacher!seungkwan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-05-16 14:05:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 40,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14812793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifntae/pseuds/zigzag
Summary: Hansol didn't expect to have to take care of a five year old at his twenty four, or fall in love with a first grade teacher. But this all happened, and he's not sure what to do.





	1. despair in the departure lounge

"Samuel," Hansol says slowly, a tear of sweat going down the side of his face "just— don't cry."

He's holding his eyesight with the kid before him— _his_ kid. The infant has a cute little frown on his face, something Hansol would normally crumble down for any day, but he knows better than to tone down what is supposed to be his anger. It's like they're on a competition on who's going to make the first move and deal with the consequences.

"Let's think this through" He offers, arms carefully raised.

Samuel is holding onto his backpack and although he's very little and the backpack looks funny on him since it reaches the back of his knees, Hansol sees the moment he decides to say: _fuck it_. Or, well—

"Dont wanna!" Samuel screams, turning around to the opposite side and ready to run through the airport and away from Hansol.

Hansol isn't yet very good at this. He's getting the hang of being a parent, but there's a lot in which he lacks. Fortunately, running after Samuel isn't one of them.

Soon enough, the younger is hanging from Hansol's shoulder, making a fuss and— yes, crying.

"It's not fair!" Samuel outcries, punching Hansol on his shoulder blade, the only place he reaches.

"I know, baby" He's trying to manouver from holding Samuel with one arm and pushing their luggage cart around the airport with the other, in search for their gate. "But we have to."

Here's the picture: Hansol never thought he'd be moving out of New York ever in his life, and if he had to guess where he'd be moving to, he'd tell you Baltimore just because he likes Baltimore Ravens and that's as far as his knowledge in sports goes. But never in his life he imagined he'd be moving to Seoul, and say less with a kid in his arms. Quite literally.

But he had to, kind of against his will but mostly because he knows it's the best decision he's made so far. Or that's what he's trying to get into Samuel's tiny head.

"I don't want to, Chwe" Samuel expresses in a soft sob when Hansol finally sets him down on a chair in front of their gate. "Here's my life."

Hansol fights against the need to snort loudly. Samuel is five years old and apparently, very serious.

"You can make a new life in Seoul" He tries, and the kid rolls his eyes. "I'm serious. Didn't you say you were tired of Emily? This way you can get a break from her."

Samuel seems to ponder on the idea for a few seconds. He's still rubbing his red eyes, and whispers "girls are dumb" for which Hansol finally laughs.

They spend around thirty minutes sitting by the gate, Samuel now more calm than before, drinking from the strawberry milkshake he made Hansol buy for him with the threat that he'll cry again if he doesn't. In moments like this one, he feels like crying the most. Samuel reminds him too much of his sister, from their features with their definided cheekbones and big smiles to their edgy personalities. More than once Hansol had to take care of Sofia when they were little, and it's understatement to say that she was Hansol's soft spot. She was his whole world.

But his whole world is Samuel now, and that's what matters the most.

"Do kids in Korea have cartoons?"

"Yes"

"And milkshakes?"

"Uhu"

"And toys?"

"Yeah"

"And—"

"They have it all" Hansol interrupts him with a soft tone, flashing a smile that makes Samuel mirror him. "I'm telling you kid, you won't notice the difference from here and there. They have this big amusement park that is indoors and—"

"What does _indoors_ mean?"

"That's inside a building. It's the biggest one in the whole world" He's guessing now, although he can swear he read that piece of information somewhere before.

"Wow." Samuel opens his eyes funnily, getting the picture in his head.

He stops asking now, too engrosed on sucking in through his straw the last drops of milkshake that are hiding at the corners of the carton box. Hansol chuckles and takes this moment to close his eyes, the fatigue of waking up at four a.m today and dealing with Samuel's grumpiness eventually hitting in. He's focusing on the sound Samuel makes besides him, and swears he could fall asleep right there and then with just that.

"Chwe" Samuel calls him, and Hansol just hums, eyes still closed and head resting on the back of his chair. "If Seoul is as good as you say, why are we moving there until now?"

Sometimes Samuel surprises him. It's on times like this, when he's asking something serious without knowing the deep meaning of his words or when he scolds Hansol for doing something wrong (because apparently it's easy for a five year old to understand how washing machines work but not add six plus eight in his math homework) that Hansol thinks Samuel is just… amazing.

"Because that's what your mother wanted" He answers truthfully, because there's nothing to hide from Samuel and if he tried, the infant would catch him quickly enough.

Samuel hums, understanding, getting up to go throw away his empty carton box and running back toward Hansol's side. He sits closer to him, leaning his head on Hansol's chest and closing his eyes. Hansol casually places his arm around his shoulders, softly caresing his long hair he's been defending against the scissors the past two years.

All trail of sleepness has washed away from Hansol when he hears Samuel softly murmur, probably in his own sleep, "if that's what mom wanted."

 

   
Seoul isn't how Hansol had pictured it.

He had come one or twice before to visit his relatives, but what he remembered most about Seoul was the rush of people and the little time they had to do whatever, a bit like New York. Of course, that didn't change.

But what _did_ change was the perspective of things. Hansol was no longer ten years old, but twenty four and with a five year old in his hands yet again, because apparently airplanes make Samuel get sleepy. He had been excited during the take off and most of the ride, but around the seventh hour up in the air, Samuel decided that watching Nemo for the fourth time in a row was enough, and he slept instead. Hansol figured it was for the best, and that the infant would wake up as soon as they arrived. He tried waking him up, but Samuel just shoved his hand away and turned to the other side, ignoring the beauty of Incheon's artificial lights in the night through the window.

Incheon is big and though Hansol is a qualified adult, it's also a bit scary for him. His Korean is rusty and despite the fact that he was able to book his flight and get a good apartment with a reasonable price downtown Seoul all by e-mails, writing and speaking are two completely different things.

"Are we there yet?" Samuel asks with a soar throat when they're finally sitting in the taxi and on their way to their apartment.

"An hour until we're there" Hansol takes out a bottle of water and feeds it to Samuel, moving the hair off his face as the other drinks insatiably. "You're gonna have to speak in Korean from now on"

Samuel closes the lid of the bottle on his own and gives it back to Hansol, looking out the window. "It's pretty" He says, in Korean, and Hansol can only chuckle.

When they finally arrive to their apartment, Hansol gives Samuel the money to pay the taxi guy because _I_ _'m old enough to handle our expenses, Chwe_ while he takes their luggage out.

Again, the place is just fine. It's not as big as their apartment back in New York but it's not exactly tiny either. There's enough space to fit a TV with a sofa in their living room with some space in between where Samuel will surely play in the floor with his endless toys. The kitchen fits three people between the bar and the fridge and has enough space for all the healthy food Hansol will have to buy for Samuel to grow bigger 'cause he's been quite worried with his height although his pediatrician back in New York had told him he was in the range of average. There's some kimchi and water bottles in their fridge and a few bags of rice on their cupboard from their landlord. They have three rooms, one for Hansol, the other for Samuel (whenever he decides to actually use it as the infant has decided to claim the other side of Hansol's bed as his) and the other to be Hansol's personal office.

For now, it looks a bit too empty, but it's only temporarily until the rest of their belongings arrive the day after tomorrow.

"You hungry?" He asks after Samuel has decided he checked there was indeed no ghosts in their apartment, just like Hansol had assured him. The other nods rapidly, and he checks his watch. Eight p.m. "I guess we'll have to order in" There's a lot of paperwork for him to fill in, to enrol Samuel in the nearby Elementary School and make his own trips to the grocery store and bank, and all of that can wait until tomorrow.

Samuel remains all giddy playing with his Star Wars sword while Hansol searches for a nearby restaurant with home delivery.

"You want chicken or—"

"Chicken!" He screams, raising the flashy green sword up in the air.

"—pizza?"

Samuel ponders on the thought, sword still raised. "Uh… both!"

"No, just one" Hansol says, already regretting asking him. He didn't want to ask for something korean just yet, knowing very well that he did a poor job on feeding Samuel korean food back in NY. He should've gone for chicken.

"Pizza then" Samuel decides.

"Seems like they don't have home delivery, though. We're gonna have to go and get it."

For a moment he thinks Samuel will say no, but the infant surprises him by throwing the sword to the floor and running hurriedly to the entrance to put on his shoes. Which he doesn't know how to. He goes as far as putting his feet in, but has no idea how shoelaces work just yet.

"Hurry up, Chwe!"

 

From the moment Hansol opens his eyes, he knows the day will be quite something.

First, he thanks last night's Hansol who decided to buy some things from the convenience store, like cereal and milk. What he doesn't thank is the fact that he forgot about spoons and forks. He finds Samuel sitting in the middle of their living room with Hansol's phone calculatedly leaning against the wall and streaming Mickey Mouse from Netflix (probably, he's not sure, all of Samuel's shows sound the same to him). He's okay with Samuel taking his phone like it's his own (but he won't have one of his own until he's fifteen, he's decided), but what he's not okay with is that he's eating his cereal with his bare hands, milk dripping from his wrist and chin. He stays frozen by their bedroom door frame for a few seconds until Samuel gifts him a cheeky smile and he bursts into a laugh.

Then, Samuel makes a fuzz when they're about to go out. He wants to use his cap, but Hansol tells him not to, since it's quite hot outside and he's gonna get all hot and sweaty. Samuel answers that he doesn't care and pushes the cap down on his head until his forehead looks funny and Hansol simply sighs. At least he's not jet-lagged and that's something.

Fortunately, Samuel isn't yet in the stage of finding a problem on holding Hansol's hand when they're outside. Unfortunately, he drags Hansol around, pointing at the toys and interesting things displayed in the shops' windows. Hansol has told him an infinite amount of times that he won't buy him everything he wants, and Samuel does know that, but it doesn't stop him from getting interested.

An hour after they've gone out of the apartment, they finally reach the bank. Samuel knows that he shouldn't run around so he sits besides Hansol and closes his hands in fists over the table, directing his words toward the clerk when the latter asks, "What can I do for you?"

"Show me the money" Samuel declares with a professional voice, for which the clerk frowns and Hansol plainly ignores. "Show me the money!" He now stands up on the chair and makes a dance with no background music.

"Samuel, what did we say about quoting movies—"

"Say it with me, Jerry, show me the money!" he repeats, and is about to say it again, this time louder for everyone to hear, until Hansol decides it's enough and sits him on his lap, covering his mouth from which a mumbled _show me the money_ still comes out.

At the end, Hansol shoved a 10,000 won bill into his hand and Samuel finally calmed down, looking down at the King Sejong with attention.

It's until they're out of the bank and Hansol fixed everything that Samuel asks, "who is this person?"

"He invented the Hangul" Hansol answers uninterested, looking at the papers he's got in his hands instead.

"Oh, the alphabet?"

"It's called Hangul, yeah"

"But it's an alphabet, right?"

"Yeah but— yeah."

"So," He continues, taking Hansol's hand when the latter starts walking, "if I create my own alphabet, I get to be on a dollar?"

"This isn't a dollar, and no, it's not that easy" Hansol laughs. "He was the King, a long time ago."

"Did he do anything else?"

"Uh..." Hansol stutters flustered, "I'm not sure."

Samuel tsk-tsks him, shaking the bill in his hand before giving it back to Hansol. "Where are we going now?"

"To your school" Hansol smiles, and he hopes it's convincing enough to avoid a possible scene if Samuel refused.

Samuel doesn't seem too thrilled about the idea, but he simply shrugs and follows Hansol around until they've arrived at the school. It's until Samuel has seen the large football field that he gets excited. The secure guard points them where the offices are and as Hansol strolls over the atletism lanes around the football field, Samuel runs around, jumping and attempting to do some standing with his arms, for which he falls on his back and Hansol's first instinct is to run and help him, but Samuel raises back up soon enough with a silly smile.

"I'm alright!" He shouts shaking his cap in his hand, and runs back to Hansol when he signs him to. "I think I'm gonna love it here, Chwe!"

They step inside the building with the AC on and Hansol hurries on cleaning up Samuel's sweat for him not to get sick by the change of temperature. Behind the desk there's the secretary sitting down, hair in a tight updo and make-up carefully done. She looks about Hansol's age, probably a bit older.

"Can I help you?" She asks with a polite tone, looking up from the computer.

"Yeah, my name is Chwe Hansol, I called about a month ago to register this guy right here." Samuel peeks from behind the desk, eyes barely reaching the surface and making the lady laugh.

"Of course, what is your son's name?"

"He—"

"Chwe isn't my dad!" Samuel shouts, trying to jump and get a better look at the lady.

Hansol feels embarrassed by the weird look he now receives from the lady, but it's understandable. He's not offended by Samuel's words, but he would just like it if he could be less expressive next time, since there's now a guy looking in their direction. He looks about Hansol's age and he's got a pair of specks over the bridge of his nose. Hansol gives himself a second to admire the sight before going back to the secretary.

"His name is Kim Samuel" Hansol answers, and gets closer to the lady and whisper the explanation as of why he's whispering in the first place.

It's a minute later and three tugs on his shirt from Samuel's nagging since he isn't hearing anything that the lady understands Hansol's situation.

"Oh, okay" She starts, unsure of what to say, "I, uh, I'm so sorry—"

"It's okay" Hansol reassures with a smile, trying to avoid being pitied at. "I have his papers here, though, if you need any further confirmation and—"

"Of course, yes, I have him here on the system." She types something on the computer that Hansol can't see. "He's been added to the list when you called, Mr. Chwe, and we've received the papers you faxed us. But I will need those papers to finish up his registration. Are they originals?"

"Yes" Hansol answers, giving her the entire folder. "Although I've added the copy of our apartment contract, and there's no invoice of any of our public services just yet, since we just got here yesterday and all."

"Of course" She smiles, "We'll update what's pending and ask for you to give us an invoice as soon as the month passes by." She stands up with his papers and, "I'll be getting a copy of these, excuse me"

Hansol feels thankful for being received by someone as helpful as her, too afraid that this process might've been more complicated than it already was. What doesn't let him shake off the nervousness of his shoulders is the stare from the guy across the office, who has been sneaking peeks at him this whole time.

It's not that he's looking at him suspiciously or with mistrust, it's just that he looks so cute with the pair of specks at the base of his nose and Hansol can't stop himself from thinking that he'd probably look cuter without them.

"Where did she go, Chwe?" Samuel asks, pulling his shirt again. "Did you explain it to her? Did you tell her—"

"Yes, baby" Hansol answers, ruffling his hair for which Samuel frowns and shoves Hansol's hand away.

"But did you do it correctly, Chwe?" Samuel asks again, this time sounding more serious than before. "'Cause I don't want people thinking that—"

"Yah" Hansol interrupts, and is about to _lightly_ scold him until he's interrupted.

"Hi" Hansol turns around and finds the guy who was previously stealing peeks at him now at the front of the desk and a feet away from him. "I'm Boo Seungkwan, a first grade teacher. And you are...?"

Before Hansol could muster up the courage to answer instead of stare in awe 'cause _fuck he's actually talking to me_ , Samuel beats him to it.

"I'm Samuel!" He greets, clenching on the desk's frame and kicking Hansol lightly in an attempt to climb over it. Hansol sighs and pushes him on top. "I'm five years old."

"You're six, actually." Hansol says. "You're a year older here."

"Wow!" Samuel exclaims, "did we travel to the future?" He asks, pretty serious.

The two grownups laugh lightly, and Hansol steals a glance at Seungkwan's pretty smile.

"You didn't travel to the future" Seungkwan answers instead of Hansol, "but I have to say that'd be pretty cool."

"Right?!" Samuel exclaims in excitement. "Teacher, have you seen Back to the future?" Seungkwan shakes his head. "What about the second one? Or third?"

Seungkwan shakes his head again, quite amused by Samuel's mix of Korean and English. The infant gasps.

"Chwe, we have to invite him over!" He says in English, for which Seungkwan lifts his eyebrows, probably in confusion.

"What did we say about talking in English?" Hansol scolds in English. "And stop inviting strangers to our apartments, first the ice-cream guy and now this. Our TV hasn't even arrived yet."

"But we can't let him live without watching those masterpieces!" Samuel says now back in Korean.

"Wow, that's a big word." Seungkwan laughs. "Do you know any other big words?"

Their conversation gets a bit heated from there, and Hansol can't find a breach in which he can jump into their conversation, so he just looks at them talk instead. Seungkwan looks interested in Samuel's explanation as of why BTTF is the best trilogy, and Hansol is slowly loving all the sincere reactions he gives to his kid. The secretary comes back and stops for a moment, looking at the two males talking to each other, and though Hansol has seen her by now, Seungkwan hasn't and is still talking with Samuel.

"Well," she says, making Seungkwan stop talking. "everything's in order and we've confirmed the payment with your bank, Mr. Chwe. Samuel will be able to start his first grade next week along with the rest of our kids."

"Who will be my teacher?" Samuel asks. "Can it be him?" He points at Seungkwan.

"Don't point at people!" Hansol hisses.

Seungkwan laughs. "I'll probably be."

It's when the lady gives Hansol his papers back and has placed them neatly on the inside of his backpack while Samuel tries to convince her to give him a candy that's hidden in one of her drawers because _I saw them!_ that Seungkwan pokes Hansol's shoulder lightly, taking his attention.

"You didn't tell me your name." Seungkwan says with a matter-of-fact tone, yet smiling. It's almost as if he were flirting.

As if.

"I'm Hansol." He answers, lifting his hand to shake his and— oh, well, Seungkwan isn't doing the same because he can't quite see his hand and this now feels awkward. "Uh, Chwe Hansol."

"Samuel is an interesting kid" Seungkwan offers with another smile, and if it wasn't because he's smiling and probably saying it sincerely and with good intentions, Hansol would've felt it like a offence.

He doesn't, but that doesn't mean it doesn't bring back bad memories.

"He's unique" Hansol offers a smile that is far too plain and little to be taken as sincere, and he reaches for Samuel who is now licking his strawberry lollipop. "Did you thank her for the candy?" Samuel nods frenetically and Hansol sighs. "Thanks for everything!" He bids goodbye to both of them and walks toward the main door with Samuel's hand in his.

He tries not to focus on Seungkwan's frown when he avoided looking at him directly and instead on Samuel's complain with "Chwe! There are girls here too!" when he sees kids running around in their recess.

 

 

Day one in Seoul finished quite quickly and it felt like a productive one. At first it felt a little hard to shake off the uncomfortable feeling that had been lingering over his shoulders ever since he stepped outside of the school, but an hour with Samuel and his endless questions and Hansol was back to normal.

Day two, unlike day one, consisted on them staying home to receive the rest of their belongings from the moving company. Samuel didn't want to wait a single second before unpacking the TV and giving it a big hug as he exclaimed "Stevie, I missed you!"

He didn't have anything fancy planned for the day, just a stay-in evening dealing with re-building his furniture and getting things in order, unpacking his computers and gear, the rest of Samuel's clothes and tidying everything up. Hansol was still quite clumsy in the house tasks but Samuel wasn't that demanding so he did it at his own pace (read: slowly).

It was around four p.m when he heard knocks on his door and he wondered if he ordered anything to eat before start a sofa wrestle with Samuel as they watched a re-run of Running Man.

When he opened the door, he was greeted with two friendly faces.

"Hell—"

"Who are you?" Samuel asks from under Hansol's arm, tugging on his leg lightly but with a deep frown in his face.

"Hi." One of them greets, kneeling down to look directly at Samuel. He's quite tall and Hansol notices he's got a funny smile. "My name is Mingyu and I live next door." He points to the door besides them and Samuel peeks out to confirm it.

"I'm Wonwoo" The other says with a smile, this time at Hansol. Unlike Mingyu, Wonwoo is Hansol's height and though his black hair and defined eyes scream _serious,_ his smile says otherwise. "We came by yesterday but didn't find anyone home, so—"

"Oh, sorry about that" Hansol smiles apologetic, "we were running some errands." He laughs. "My name's Hansol, and this little guy is Samuel."

"Hello Samuel" Mingyu greets, for which Samuel squints his eyes at him in suspicious.

The three of them laugh and Hansol invites them in. Samuel runs back to the sofa and switches his attention to the TV.

"Would you guys want anything to drink or—"

"We're good" Wonwoo smiles, and proceeds to remember he's got something in his hands. "Oh, right— here."

"Toilet paper?"

"And detergent." Mingyu adds, and shoves the bag of detergent into Hansol's hands.

"They're housewarming presents" Wonwoo explains, "where— uh, do you guys come from? Not that you don't look Korean but—"

"We're that obvious?" Hansol laughs. "From New York."

"How old is your son?" Mingyu asks and—

"Chwe isn't my dad!" Samuel shouts for the 2nd time today. First time was to the moving company guys when they asked the same thing earlier that day. Would Samuel give Hansol the time to explain himself first? Probably not.

"He's six." Hansol explains.

Mingyu proceeds to sit besides Samuel and explain to him what was happening in the TV as Hansol moved to the kitchen to leave his new presents aside. Wonwoo follows him closely. For one moment he thinks Wonwoo is going to ask him more about Samuel's situation, but fortunately, he doesn't, and instead talks about some of the gossip going around in the building, the things he has to be careful about although it's a pretty safe district and some tips to get things going faster.

Hansol feels like asking if they're roomates living together, but by the loving looks Wonwoo gives back toward Samuel and Mingyu, he doesn't think Wonwoo's looking at Samuel at all, so he doesn't.

"I'm a writer" Wonwoo explains. "and he's a PE teacher in the school nearby." Hansol tells him the name of Samuel's new school to see if they're perhaps the same and, "yes! It's that one"

"Wow, world's kind of tiny."

"What do you do?" Wonwoo asks.

"I'm a designer." He answers. "I don't really have any working hours. The company I work for doesn't really need me for physical matters, I mean, there's no meetings to attend or anything, everything is via e-mail or fax. So when they told me it was okay if I moved to another country, as long as it didn't interfeer with the work they'd give me, I didn't really think twice before moving here."

"That's kind of amazing" Wonwoo answers quite honestly. "If it's not rude, may I ask why you moved here?"

"Oh, yeah, well… uh..."

"Dude, sorry" Wonwoo frowns, "I didn't mean to make you cry, fuck."

"What?"

Hansol touches his cheeks, and indeed, there are tears streaming down them. He didn't really notice it, and now that he has, he's not sure why is it even happening. He's not sad, not anymore. So why...?

"Chwe!" Samuel shouts. "Why are you crying?!"


	2. star treatment

Samuel is a lot of things. For instance, he's Hansol's whole life. He's the extra battery Hansol needs in order to function when things are going bad or when Hansol's going through one of his _moods;_ he's the partner in crime Hansol needed all his life.

He's also Hansol's worst nightmare when the infant is also in one of his own moods, suddenly deciding that Hansol isn't any close of being a parent for him and he's tired of the older. He's the grey cloud in his sky when he doesn't want to speak to him, when he wants his _mom_ and not Hansol, he's the teenager version of Hansol in the body of a five year old as he screams and cries and slams the door shut and that scares the crap out of Hansol by how similar they are.

Although he's also the rainbow after the storm. The shoulder Hansol can relay on (and he judges himself for relaying on a child), the voice of reason Hansol needs every once in a while even though all of Samuel's logic and phrases come from crappy and/or classic movies he sneakily sees when Hansol's working, and Samuel most probably doesn't even understand what he's saying but it's nice to hear, like a _fter all, tomorrow is another day!_ when Hansol drops a cup or _Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary_ when he's lying down in the middle of the night and Samuel knows no better way to cheer him up at that hour.

But one thing he is not, is a bully.

So imagine Hansol's surprise when Samuel's been in his school for two weeks only and he's called to speak with the principal.

Things had been going pretty well until then. Hansol had been added to a kakaotalk group chat with his classmates' mothers, and it had been nice to hear from them that Samuel had been fitting well in between their children. His Korean was yet to be perfect, but it had been pretty good, honestly. Hansol had not seen Seungkwan though, he knew Samuel was his student but when the bell rang and Samuel came out running, he just missed seeing the teacher every time.

He's got the whole picture in his head by the moment he steps into the building that afternoon, waiting to see Samuel lifting his arms and looking at the wall in punishment or even sitting down outside of the principal's office, crying and _oh god, what if he's hurt? what if he got into a fight with someone bigger than him?_ Samuel's got a pretty smart head but his mouth sometimes works on its own and _god,_ Hansol is a little too close to shake.

The principal is sitting behind the desk and Hansol is about to open his mouth and say that they've got nothing against Samuel and he'll see them in court when—

"I want to congratulate you, Mr. Chwe" The lady smiles.

"Wh-what?" He stutters.

"We were pretty preoccupied for Samuel since he's a new student, one whose native language is not ours, but he's getting along with his classmates and we've heard nothing but good things from his teachers."

It's like Hansol has dropped an entire piano off his shoulders, like he can breathe again.

"Thanks," he smiles "I was actually pretty anxious on my way here, thought something bad had happened."

The lady laughs politely, "actually, I have more good news. We took the liberty to take some further tests on Samuel."

Hansol's smile twitches. "Tests?"

"Nothing much, really, academic tests. It came from one of his teachers that Samuel might be ahead of his age, intellectually speaking. We gave Samuel some second year tests, and I'm delighted to tell you he completed them thoroughly."

"What?"

The principal goes on talking, even taking out the tests Samuel answered, showing them to him and point out the things a 1st year student shouldn't know by then. For a moment, he couldn't really believe it. Like any other parent, Samuel will forever be the most intelligent kid in his eyes, even though he knows that's kind of impossible since everyone is different and Samuel is no exception. But the exam is completely answered, with different sections all over it, even with some language ones that asked the kids to connect some korean words to their Hanja, which Samuel did.

_When the hell did Samuel learn to read Hanja?_

"So," The lady says after what feels like half an hour listening why his kid is so wonderfully intelligent, "since the academic year is still in its early stages, we were thinking on moving Samuel to second grade."

"You want to move Samuel to second grade?"

"I don't see a reason why not, he seems to be a special case."

_There's the word._

Perhaps Hansol shouldn't get so triggered when he knows no one means it like _that,_ but his mind can't stop from making up the hypothetical scenarios of people making fun of Samuel, of him being the center of attention once again. He can't take it, can't live it again, and so, won't have it.

"It's a nice offer," He smiles with zero sincerity, "but I'm going to have to decline it. I know you want the best for him, and so do I, that is why I'm going to have to ask you to leave him where he is."

The lady's smile flickers with confusion, arms resting over the desk and hands together. "Mr. Chwe, I don't know if I explained myself thoroughly—"

"Oh, yes, you did!" Hansol interrupts apologetically, "I do understand what you're trying to say, but my answer is no. Samuel won't move from first grade."

It takes him at least another ten minutes to convince the woman that he won't budge, and another five to get himself together before looking for Samuel in his classroom.

It's not the first time walking through the corridors of the school. On Samuel's first day, Hansol had walked him up to the classroom to make sure and know where everything is, just in case (also, it was Hansol's first time to drop Samuel off somewhere as big as a school).

That day, he had seen Seungkwan. It was just for a brief moment as Hansol let go of Samuel, telling him and repeting that he should behave, and that Samuel should always consult everything with the teacher if he had any problems, that he's just a ten minute walk away from school and he could come for him anytime. It wasn't probably his brightest moment, acting like a clingy parent who wasn't yet familiar with the whole de-attaching moment with his kid, and in all honesty, Hansol back then thought that he was doing it more for Samuel than himself.

But it wasn't until Samuel let go of his hand with an embarrassed _alright, Chwe_ after Hansol had kissed his cheeks, and Seungkwan had came to his side and look at him with fond and something more _deep,_ as if he were understanding what was going right through his mind, and said "Don't worry, I'll take care of him.", that Hansol then realised that maybe it was harder for him to let go of Samuel than the other way around.

Hansol had then proceed to act like he didn't think of Seungkwan on his way back home, convinced that it's stupid that his heart had fluttered with something so simple, innocent and polite as that. He had called his friend Joshua who was still back in the States, talked to him about what they've been up to in Korea and perhaps just _slightly_ mentioning him the existence of Seungkwan. He didn't really say much, just something along the lines of _Samuel's cute teacher_ and Joshua had snorted through the line, as if that was more than enough to understand what was going on through Hansol's head, which he would've really appreciated if Joshua said something about it because he doesn't have a clue. But it's so Joshua to simply shrug it off when Hansol asked and instead answered with another question, evading the topic.

From then on, Hansol picked up Samuel by the gate, proceeding to avoid the possibility to see Seungkwan again and do something stupid like finally saying something back if the other speaks to him. But as he makes the last turn to reach Samuel's classroom door and see through the little window how Samuel was completing some exercises with Seungkwan sitting by his side, he knew that he wouldn't be able to avoid the _unavoidable_ any longer.

"Chwe!" Samuel greets him once Hansol opens the door.

"Am I interrupting?"

"Not at all," Seungkwan smiles politely, standing up. He's using his specks, again. Their eyes meet for a whole second and Hansol feels something weird creeping up behind his spine. "we were just finishing up his math homework."

"Look!" Samuel calls excitedly, picking up his notebook, "I finished this and next week's homework! It's super easy!"

Hansol really wants to look down at the numbers scribbled in the pages, but he's more preoccupied looking at Seungkwan from the corner of his eye, smiling toward both of them with his arms folded. "Wow, that's amazing, baby" he says, and Samuel is about to explain something to him about the homework but, "hey, why don't you go and pick up your things? Let's go home now."

The infant doesn't waste any other second before taking the notebook from Hansol's hands and running to the end of the room to fetch his backpack.

"Did everything go alright with the principal?" Seungkwan asks casually enough, now standing besides him. He looks kind of nervous, and kind of expectant.

Hansol hides his hands on the inside of his pants.

"Yeah, it went perfect." He says, "I'm glad Samuel has been fitting in." The teacher is looking at Hansol with expectation, probably to hear something in particular but he isn't sure what.

Seungkwan sighs and nods his head in the end, "I'm delighted with him. We are all, actually." Hansol smiles at him for a brief moment, making sure to not see the other's eyes for long or else he will turn red, again.

In all honesty, Hansol can't quite understand why is he like this. It's not like he hasn't had boyfriends before, and it isn't his first time with a silly little crush. But looking at Seungkwan makes him feel like he's back to sixth grade, sneaking peaks at the boy he likes and overthinking his every move when they're in the same room.

Which is what is happening right now.

The three of them are walking down the corridor and toward the entrance, Samuel's hand in his and Seungkwan standing on the other side. All Hansol can think of is how Seungkwan smells kind of nice, and how his light brown hair makes him look quite young, perhaps younger than him.

"How old are you?" His mouth asks before he realizes it. He's about to take the question back, but Seungkwan side smiles and Hansol kind of _really_ wants to hear the answer.

"Twenty five. I turn twenty six in January."

He gapes and, " _Ssaem,_ Chwe is twenty four!"

"I'm twenty five here" He corrects, "and I turn twenty six in February."

Seungkwan lifts an eyebrown with an amused smile. "That's interesting."

He's about to comment something about it, perhaps ask what it is or just say something embarrasing like _yes it is, that means we're the same age but can I call you hyung still?_ but Samuel beats him to it with a "Chwe, it's raining!"

"Oh, shoot. I didn't bring an umbrella."

Seungkwan hums besides him. "I brought one. I could drop you guys off at your apartment—"

"No, I couldn't ask you something like that." Hansol interrupts, already feeling apologetic.

"But you aren't," Seungkwan smiles. "I'm offering."

 

 

Monsoon season has supposedly ended by the time Hansol and Samuel arrived in Korea. He had researched it beforehand and was convinced that he didn't need to take his umbrella all the way from New York with him, so he never bothered to buy one in Korea either.

But like everything in Hansol's life, things don't really turn out the way he thought they would.

It's raining cat and dogs and although Samuel is quite amused by the fat drops that are falling down everywhere around him as he sits in Hansol's arms, the latter can't do anything else but worry about Seungkwan's red umbrella breaking down any moment now.

"It's not gonna break" Seungkwan chuckles after Hansol says it will for the third time. "Stop worrying too much."

"Are you sure?" He asks, again.

The streets are almost deserted, and the people Hansol manages to see are inside some store, looking outside with a deep frown and obviously just waiting for this to calm down a bit or pass by completely.

"Are you scared of storms?" Seungkwan asks instead, peaking at the sky from under the umbrella.

"Why are you asking?" He laughs nervously. Yes, he is.

"Because it seems like it won't stop anytime soon."

"Yay!" Samuel cheers in his arms, taking out his arm from under the umbrella to feel the rain and Hansol tugs it back in. "Chwe is a scary-cat when it comes to storms" he titters.

"I am not!" It is too late and no one believes him, because he doesn't have one person, but two laughing at him right now.

Hansol is reddening up, looking besides him at Seungkwan whose smile fills him up with something weird and fluttering. The older turns to him and he looks ahead almost right away, pretty sure that he got caught staring. If he did, Seungkwan doesn't say anything about it.

They walk a little fast mainly because it's Hansol who's setting the pace and Seungkwan following closely to not get them wet. He doesn't know if he's doing it in concern to get Samuel safe as soon as possible or because Seungkwan's presence so close to him makes him nervous. If someone asked him, he'd say the former.

He types down the password to his apartment building, and when he walks inside, he notices that Seungkwan is staying behind, under his red umbrella. Hansol looks back at him, and comes to the conclusion that red really suits him.

"Do you want to come up?" He hears himself ask. Samuel is quiet in his arms, waiting for the answer too.

Seungkwan isn't really making any face at him, just looking, but by the easily five entire seconds he takes to answer, he reckons he's debating on what to say. "You sure?"

He kind expected an _it's alright_ , or anything that'd let him know that Seungkwan didn't want to, but asking if he was sure is just another step for the yes, so Hansol nods and Seungkwan steps in before the automatic door closes on him.

The ride up to their apartment is fairly quiet, until Samuel remembers that some weeks before he told Seungkwan to see Back to the future with him, and he's yet again almost chortling in delight in Hansol's arms. He keeps the infant in his arms just to have them somewhere instead of at the sides of his body, even if Samuel is past the age to be lifted and he feels like taking off his arms by how heavy he is.

He knows Seungkwan is looking at him even when he talks to Samuel, but feigns ignorance and looks up at the floor panel until it reaches the seventeenth. They walk out of the elevator and down the hall until they reach their door. Samuel wants to type the password so Hansol leans him to the panel and for some reason he doesn't care if Seungkwan is paying attention to what Samuel is doing. He looks back at the older and notices him looking down at his phone instead. He smiles a little.

Fortunately, Hansol managed to clean up the mess Samuel did that morning, so the apartment is fairly clean when they step in, smelling like lavender. Samuel takes off his shoes rather quickly and runs through the apartment and into his room to leave his things aside.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to" He says, and wow, really, he's in a roll today because, why is his mouth saying his every thought?

It's not like he doesn't want Seungkwan to be there, but he doesn't want him to feel forced to say yes, even though he pretty much had the opportunity to decline already. The older is half way on taking off his right shoe, one hand supporting on the wall, and he looks up at Hansol who is looking down at him.

He's heard before that his eyes are quite something. That if he stares at someone, they'd know right away because it's obvious like that, and that he'd get anything he wanted like that. He's had girls thinking he was interested and/or flirting simply because he was paying attention to what they were saying, and in this moment too he thinks that he's unconsciously doing it on Seungkwan because the latter is… blushing?

He just really hopes Seungkwan understand why he's asking.

"I want to" The other answers in what seems to be a whisper, because the house is dead quiet still and Hansol catches the soft tone he's using. The logic part of his head is telling him that Seungkwan doesn't mind spending some extra time with Samuel, but the stupid hopeful side is telling him that he doesn't mind spending the afternoon with _him,_ which, either way, he hopes it's the truth too.

He nods a little, and walks inside the apartment. "Uh, the movie was on Netflix when we were back in the States, but I'm not so sure if they're offering it here too. If it isn't there, we have it on Bluray, there's the DVD under the TV." He scratches the back of his head and turns to see Seungkwan scan his living room in attention, and somehow feels a little too conscious of his house.

Seungkwan looks at him, and sighs. He's about to tell him something when Samuel storms out of his room.

"Let's watch the movie, _S_ _saem_!"

 

 

There's two things Hansol knows how to cook correctly, and one of them is scrambled eggs. The other, _fortunately,_ is _kimchi jjigae_. He's a real dork when it comes to cooking, barely being able to cook edible food for Samuel ever since the infant came into his life. Because he has been forced to cook everyday doesn't mean he got any good at it or that Samuel doesn't frown every once in a while, because, really, he _can't_ cook, never has and never will.

That is also why his father made sure to teach him how to cook at least one thing right, and that is _kimchi jjigae_ because he can't go wrong with it, really.

So he smiles when he's about to finish it and the smell has gone all the way over to the living room and he hears Samuel cheer in excitement, "yay, _kimchi jjigae!_ "

Hansol finishes to set up the table in time to see the scene when the DeLorean works for the first time and Samuel is jumping over the sofa in elation and Seungkwan is pulling off a very convincing surprised face. He laughs, because he can easily see how staged it is, although it does look sincere to some extent.

"Food's ready." He says, and Seungkwan puts the movie on pause and walks with Samuel toward the bathroom to wash their hands.

There's only the sound of their mouths slurping on the _jjigae_ and munching on the side dishes he prepared (prepared as in _fixed down on the table_ because they're obviously bought from the market nearby) aside from the rainstorm that continues to fall outside. Hansol loves it the most when he's eating with Samuel, because the infant keeps on doing joyful sounds as he eats, and Seungkwan has to literally stop himself from laughing with his mouth full.

They're both sitting side by side and Hansol on the other side, and for third or fourth time that day, his heart flutters when Seungkwan looks down at Samuel and moves his hair out of his forehead, leaving it all behind his shoulders. Samuel doesn't seem to mind the gesture, but that's not the case for Hansol. The picture looks insanely domestic, and he chokes on his food a little. The older is now looking at him in concern and Hansol drinks some water to avert his eyes and calm down his damn heart.

When they're all done, Seungkwan offers to wash the dishes but Hansol declines until Samuel is tugging on Seungkwan's hand to watch the movie again. The older looks really bothered to not be able to do anything, but Hansol simply chuckles to himself as he cleans everything up, repeating Seungkwan's expression in his mind.

Hansol's about to go to the living room and give himself some deserved resting from his parent duty when the lights go off and Samuel screams in surprise. His heart jumps in his chest for a whole second before understanding that they're under a black out.

"You guys alright?" He asks, stepping inside the living room. They're both still sitting down and it's yet bright outside, or as bright as the cloudy sky lets it be. Samuel is pressed against Seungkwan's side and nods his head, pushing his hair behind.

"What now?" Samuel asks.

Neither of them know what to answer, and Hansol recognizes the moment Seungkwan is about to say he'll be leaving when, "I know!"

Ten minutes later and a bunch of groans under Hansol's breath, Samuel has a bandana wrapped around his forehead and Hansol's phone in his hand, putting on his favourite playlist as the phone is connected to their portable speaker through Bluetooth. He's the opposite of surprised when Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody starts playing. Soon, his living room turns into a karaoke room.

He's got the whole number already, singing the lyrics perfectly and moving dramatically around the living room. Hansol is about to groan again, when he sees Seungkwan pulling out his phone from his pocket and turning on his flashlight, feeling the song too as he joins him singing and— fuck it, he's laughing and joining them both on singing the song.

Samuel mimics playing a guitar by the third minute when the song is getting slowly heavier and Seungkwan is standing up, harmonizing along with the song and Samuel. Hansol really tries to sing from his spot in the couch, but he's actually laughing in between words. Seungkwan turns back to him to force him to stand up and dance with them when the heavy electric guitar plays and Samuel is singing at the top of his lungs _so you think you can stone me and spit in my eye,_ and the three of them look very very silly, but Hansol feels very very alive.

The mood drops by the end of the song, but it is saved a second later when Bicycle Ride plays and Hansol is laughing _a lot._

Five songs later with Samuel's fake shiny microphones (why did Hansol buy him that, though) and the infant gives Seungkwan the power to choose the next song. Hansol reckons the older will choose a korean song, when he's surprised with the violin and soft yet defined voice of Frank Sinatra with My Funny Valentine. Samuel doesn't know the song, and Hansol doesn't really know how he knows it, but he does, and he didn't expect Seungkwan to do. (It won't be until later that afternoon, when they're on the floor with their legs pressed to each other that the older will tell him that he saw his parents dance with the song when he was little).

What takes Hansol off guard more than the fact of Seungkwan knowing a song as old as that one and that he knows the lyrics by heart, is that his voice is so _breathtaking._ It's like the song was made for Seungkwan to sing, to conquer with his voice as the words come out of his mouth natural enough with such fineness he's speechless. Samuel sits on his lap as Hansol sits on the floor, and is like the fatigue from all that hype finally hit in, because he's curling his arms around Hansol's right arm and his head is resting in his chest as he finds the best position to nap.

The song ends and Hansol's most played songs start playing with Star Treatment by the Arctic Monkeys. Seungkwan sits besides him when Samuel has finally fallen asleep, and they both stay in silent, listening to the song play in the background along with the yet active storm outside. Hansol has opened a little one of the windows to have the air moving around the apartment and it doesn't feel as hot as when they started dancing.

"You said no, right?" Seungkwan asks, and it takes Hansol a few seconds to understand the question, but he does.

He tries not to get mad, tries to keep himself from making assumptions where they're uncalled for. "Did you recommend him?" He asks instead.

Seungkwan nods.

"Samuel is really intelligent, Hansol." The younger notices this is the first time Seungkwan has said his name ever since they know each other, and though his heart is back at doing those funny things, he's trying to focus on their conversation.

"I know." He agrees. "But I can't let him move grades just like that."

Seungkwan looks like he wants to protest, but he says nothing. Instead, he looks at Hansol, and Hansol looks at him. Their faces are barely seen by the weak light from outside, but it's enough for both of them.

"Can I know why?" The other ends up asking. "Samuel is… really something. He understands things faster than other kids, asks questions the other kids don't and have a hard time understanding. He catches me off-guard every time, and as much as that is interesting and amusing, I keep on thinking…" He never finishes that sentence, and a part of Hansol is thankful.

"I know." He begins, "I know Samuel must look like a special case, like a pretty intelligent kid for his age, because he is. He talks and explains himself better than most kids, although most of the times I think he doesn't really know what he's saying." He chuckles. "But he _is_ five years old still or, well, six."

He looks down at Samuel who is unconsciously tugging on his shirt in his sleep, and adds, "he still cries at night like a five year old, still throws a tantrum every few days, still likes to see Mickey Mouse, still wants to be bathe and played with when he's in the bathtub, with some yellow ducks on the sides. He still wants me to read for him at night, and though they're books like The Little Prince, Matilda, or, and I'm not making this up, _Harry Potter_ , he _still_ falls asleep, just like now, in my lap; and he breathes softly like this only when it's me, clings on my hand or anything that's mine and refuses to leave my bed anytime soon.

"I don't want him to go to second grade when he's still a first grade by heart, when there's a lot he must learn still, and call me an exaggerated parent but skipping a year feels like cheating, even for him."

Seungkwan is speechless besides him. He hums at the end but doesn't answer nor asks any more questions. Instead, he reaches for Samuel's hair and pushes it behind yet again, making Hansol's heart jump a little, but not too much. He suddenly feels so sad and tired, but with Samuel in his arms, he doesn't feel tired enough.

"You want to know why he calls me Chwe?" He smiles melancholically down at Samuel, and Seungkwan answers _okay_ besides him. "I've told him to call me by my name, but he says my last name reminds him of his mother, so he prefers to call me Chwe instead."

A whole minutes passes by before Seungkwan asks with the softest tone, "what happened to her?" He kind of expected the question, wondered when would it be that he'd let the older know the story if Samuel didn't tell him already. The infant doesn't really tell this to anyone. He might look like someone that would say whatever doesn't matter the person, but it is Hansol who knows that the five year old hides more thoughts and feelings inside him than any kid at his age should, and that depresses him a little.

He turns around and looks at Seungkwan who is already looking at him. Their eyes meet for a second. Hansol looks down at his lips, then up again at his eyes, and realizes just now that he has said _a lot_ to someone that he doesn't know enough, and he doesn't mind telling more.

He takes a deep breath, and tells.


	3. only the truth

The first time Hansol knew things had changed was the day he went to his parents' house and noticed _the smell_.

It didn't really smell _,_ not in _that_ sense. It was the smell one has, like your own scent. The one he had, had changed the moment he moved out of their house in the north of NY and moved to a cramped apartment downtown. This smell he just identified was sour, a bit like baked food and grass just cut. Sofia came from the other room as soon as he stepped into the house, running toward him and Hansol buried deep his nose in her hair as they hugged, and she trembled softly in his arms. She smelled like rosemarys and some citrus perfume. It all smelled like _home._

That was the day his family decided to tell Hansol that Sofia was pregnant.

The second time he realized things had changed was when he met Samuel for the first time and he was half a day old.

With his eyes yet tiny like two little black pearls, Samuel looked at Hansol. He knew the baby couldn't really see him yet and wouldn't do for a few weeks, but Samuel must've seen something funny in the bulge of colors that Hansol represented for him, because he smiled for the first time. He smiled so brightly, showing off his gums and even moving his little arms, probably in an attempt to take something, anything. Hansol offered his finger and Samuel took it with force, clenching on it as the older looked down at him with amusement. Samuel was beautiful, and as a little tear rolled down the side of Hansol's face, he knew that probably there'd be no one he'd love like how he loves Samuel from this moment onwards.

The third time he realized things had changed was when he had spent a drought for five months with no communication with his family (even though they lived an hour away from the city) and it took them the entire night to reach Hansol and _tell_ him.

It had been the typical car accident. Some drunk dude had decided that he wasn't wasted enough to fuck things up so he hit the road, and took Hansol's sister's life with him. Samuel had been sitting in the back of the car, secured with the hundred bells his sister probably insisted on putting on him, something that came in handy for things like this. Yet no matter how many bells she had put onto him, nothing could've stopped the collide Samuel received against the top of the car, or that's what Hansol wanted to think. The impact came from their side of the car and Samuel had been in bad conditions.

Hansol hated that night. He's had a bunch of awful nights in his list of days he'd like to rewind and remake, but this one was the cherry on top of them.

He hated himself for not crying enough that night, for not comforting his mother enough, for instead pasing around the waiting room as Samuel was in surgery. His heart had been ripped apart, and he couldn't do anything else but worry on the little and defenceless life that he got to hold on his first day.

The fourth and last time he realized things had changed and the first time he decided he won't let it happen ever again, was when Samuel's hand had fitted in his and he heard his mother say "Sofia chose you as his guardian" two months after her funeral.

He couldn't believe it at first, didn't understand in what state of mind Sofia was the moment she decided to appoint him as such.

Samuel's hair was short, too short still, enough to see even with just a peak the ugly scar in his sculp the accident left behind. Samuel didn't remember a thing, why would he? The doctors said Samuel became prone to acquire ADHD, but Hansol's mother said it was bullshit. She literally said _that._ She knew medicine never lied, and the doctors didn't say that to annoy them or put another problem on the large pile they currently had, but she believed it was pure _bullshit._

"Will you be able to handle him?" His mother asks. "Kids are curious, Hansol, they're needy not only of your time but your entire attention. My grandson is perfect as he is, but he is _very_ curious."

Hansol looked at Samuel, who looked happy enough for the things that had happened. He never knew his father and now he was mother-less, but he had Hansol, and Hansol had him.

To be very honest with himself, no, he didn't think he'd be able to handle Samuel on his own, just like he once thought at the age of five that he wouldn't be able to do a good job as an older brother. He might've not be perfect, but he _did_ try to do everything for Sofia, just like he knows he'll do it for Samuel any day.

Samuel had been clenching his little hands over Hansol's fingers, and the latter had been very serious when he looked at his nephew and said, "I'll do it."

 

 

When Hansol first met Mingyu and Wonwoo, he honestly thought they wouldn't see each other much.

Back in NY, he had a pretty normal relation with his neighbours, casually saying _hi_ or _goodbye_ if they ever ran into each other in the hallways, sometimes asking each other for little favours that are too simply to reject or make the other one uncomfortable. They've all been good to him, but quite forgettable, if he must say. The only neighbour he still remembers is a sixty year old lady who made sure to help him with Samuel the first week the infant moved in with him. She had helped him by advising him where to buy the things his mother had already written down in a piece of paper, and even helped him when Hansol knocked on her door a few times, preoccupied on doing things wrong and not wanting to call his mother who would easily make the hour trip from their house to Hansol's apartment.

But he's never had a couple living next door, and say one that would knock on his door on a Friday afternoon to just _hang around._ Wonwoo had looked uncomfortable when Hansol first opened the door, but unlike him, Mingyu was smiling and convinced that they should bond because, _what are neighbours for?_

Samuel was delighted and he pulled Mingyu in almost instantly, so he didn't really have room to reject them.

When Mingyu takes a break from making buildings with Samuel's leggo's in the living room, he joins him and Wonwoo in the kitchen and with a not subtle move of eyebrows, asks, "so what was Seungkwan doing here last week?"

Hansol chokes on his Sprite and as he cleans up the little mess he made over the table, he sees Wonwoo hitting Mingyu from the back of his head.

"How did you know?"

So here's what happened: Hansol had told Seungkwan his depressing story, and the older had teared up a little at the end. Hansol couldn't blame him, but he hated himself a little for being too honest with Seungkwan, since making him cry was the _last_ thing he wanted to do. Seungkwan had apologized for asking and he'd said that it was fine, he's Samuel's teacher and deserves to know. Which is not entirely true, because just because he teaches his child doesn't mean that he should know the entire story like Hansol told him, as if he were not just an acquaintance but a close friend who should know something as important as that. Which he is not, and Hansol needs to remind himself that.

They had changed topics after that, some about Samuel still and others about Seoul, because Hansol was still feeling like a foreign there although he's got korean blood running through his veins. He doesn't find much comfort with Seungkwan as the older confesses that he's actually from Jeju, but moved to Seoul a few years back. He's more used to Seoul now, but his knowledge was yet not that vast.

The conversation died a little there, but to Hansol's surprise, it didn't feel uncomfortable. He hated silence, even before Samuel came into his life, he _really_ hated when people ran out of things to say. It didn't make him say something though, just hate it, but bear with it. Seungkwan had then shared a little piece of information about him.

"My parents are really cheesy, y'know?" He laughed, looking outside to what had then been a thunderstorm. The sight was breathtaking, and Seungkwan was admiring it. But Hansol didn't force himself to see somewhere else but Seungkwan's side face. "Every night after dinner, they'd put up a CD my dad brought from abroad because, I know I come from an island but my dad somehow had one of those jobs that made him go abroad a lot, and way too often so it was my mom, sisters and I really often." He explained suddenly, and laughed, noticing what he was doing. Hansol smiled because he looked way too cute. "Anyway, they were both such big fans of ballads, so my dad brought back a lot of CDs from artists that had a lot of slow songs. That's where Frank Sinatra came from."

It wasn't until that night when Hansol was lying on his side of the bed that he had ran through the memories of the things that happened earlier that day, and realized that he didn't deserve to know something so personal and meaningful as that. He had done nothing to gain Seungkwan's trust and he hoped the older didn't tell him that just because he felt forced after Hansol had been honest to what happened to Samuel's mother, his sister.

Seungkwan had left before dinner and after the electricity had come back, and Hansol left Samuel sleeping in the sofa to walk Seungkwan downstairs to the front door. He hadn't really check if someone had been in the hallways when they went out, but he could swear no one was around when they were in the lobby and Seungkwan turned around to him and smiled. His smile had been one of those that looked far too perfect, far too meaningful and far too _sincere._ Again, Hansol wondered what he did to deserve it. He had thanked Hansol for a great afternoon, and the cat had eaten Hansol's tongue right there and then, because he just nodded in agreement before the older left, waving goodbye.

"He told me one of my neighbours is a student of his, and I just _knew_ he was talking about Samuel… and you." Mingyu smiles again, munching on the chips Hansol offered. To Wonwoo, not him.

"But… how did you know he came?"

He rolls his eyes, looking at Hansol like he was slow to understand. Which he isn't, but he just wants to hear what Mingyu says next, "Because he told me he came. To your apartment."

"I see."

"That's not an answer to my question, though." Wonwoo elbows Mingyu and the other dodges it like it's something he's used to.

Hansol doesn't feel yet comfortable to share his personal affairs with them, but a part of him says _what the hell_ , and he suspects it's the same part that's dreading to have friends already. He's not trying to say Joshua is a bad friend, because he is not, but Hansol is tired to call the other in uncomfortable moments and wants to just rant anytime, and with people he can physically see, please.

"It was raining hard that day and he offered to walk us to our apartment since I didn't have an umbrella." Hansol explains, snacking. He's about to drink from his Sprite again, but Mingyu is about to answer too so he waits to see what he says. To avoid some possible choking, y'know?

"Well, just _FYI,_ Seungkwan is single."

Hansol snorts and proceeds on drinking his Sprite (and thanking the gods that he waited because in other universe he would've probably died with the heavy choke he would've gotten if he didn't), acting as if he didn't care to know something as important as that.

Wonwoo is now kicking Mingyu under the table, and he's not even trying to be subtle about it.

"What?" Mingyu pouts. "It's not like I'm lying."

"But you're being way too honest." Wonwoo hisses, then turns to Hansol. "Please forgive him, he's not normally like this."

Hansol laughs and says, "It's fine, I don't mind." just as Mingyu is complaining with a, "stop talking as if I'm not here."

It's just then when Samuel calls Hansol and he leaves the kitchen to attend Samuel's problem, that is a piece of leggo that went under the sofa. He lifts the furniture and Samuel slids underneath, taking it and saying thanks afterwards. He's about to leave but, "what are we going to eat?"

Ah, yes, kids need to eat _actual_ food.

He asks Wonwoo and Mingyu if they had something planned for lunch and is Mingyu who says no, getting excited by the second.

"You guys know any good place? My treat" He doesn't even know why he's offering to pay, but it's not like he minds. The last paycheck got approved a few days back.

Wonwoo talks about an amazing Japanese restaurant that offers the best _tonkatsu_ and is just a few blocks away, Mingyu is delighted with the idea, Hansol shrugs and Samuel asks what is a _tonkatsu._

They're out of the apartment a few minutes later and Samuel is showing off his cool sneakers to Wonwoo when Mingyu approaches him.

"Sorry for what I said earlier" He apologizes, and sounds sincerely repentant. Hansol frowns. "I realized that what I said might've come off as if I just assumed you were gay, which, uh, I did and— my point is, that was rude."

Hansol can't stop the laugh that comes out next.

"It's fine dude, really." He assures, and feels confident enough to pat his back. He doesn't deny it, and it looks like the older catches that. Mingyu smiles at him and Hansol thinks he kind of looks like a puppy. A giant one. "Do you happen to know Clifford?"

 

 

It turns out the _tonkatsu_ is actually pretty good, although Hansol doesn't have much to compare it with.

Samuel orders sushi though, because he says he wants raw fish and Hansol just frowns, because he's not sure if he's even supposed to be eating that already. He then wonders what is Samuel supposed to eat and not eat at the age of five. He lets Samuel eat his sushi in the end, but makes sure that he order something that didn't have anything exotic, just because he's not sure Samuel's in the age where his system can digest it well.

Mingyu orders _yakisoba_ and Hansol follows Wonwoo's advice on asking for the _tonkatsu_. He's about to tell Wonwoo that he really liked it when he sees that the older is cutting a piece to place it on Mingyu's plate. The gesture is so casual, and Mingyu doesn't comment on it, just keeps on eating, but Hansol just awes a little.

He's actually done that before, but not to someone that's not Samuel. Which is kind of sad if he thinks about it.

Mingyu has half of his _yakisoba_ in his mouth when he asks, "so when are you doing your housewarming party?"

"My what?"

"Your housewarming party" Wonwoo repeats, frowning a little. "You're doing one, right?"

"Do I have to?" Hansol asks. He kind of knew the tradition for when you're moving to another place, but he didn't think he'd be forced to do one. Socially forced, that is.

"Not really" Wonwoo answers, but Mingyu almost chokes.

"You absolutely have to!" He retorts. "How else will you get to meet your neighbours?"

"Chwe doesn't like people" Samuel laughs from his chair, bouncing a little in delight of munching his sushi. Hansol frowns down at him but doesn't reply. It's not like he's lying.

"I'll be honest with you" Wonwoo says, "you're a bit late for doing this thing anyway, but it's a good thing if you do it. Mingyu and I have less than a year in this apartment building and knowing our neighbours made it a lot easier."

"Isn't that supposed to be with friends, though?" Hansol frowns.

"Well, do you have?" Mingyu snorts, for which Wonwoo kicks him but still smiles a little, and Hansol can't help it but smile too.

"Just think about it" Wonwoo says for a last time, signaling that he's ready to drop the topic in favor of Hansol, but Samuel is yet too little to understand that, so is no surprise when he pokes Hansol's side almost immediately.

"Let's do one!" He begs.

He doesn't see anything wrong on doing one, actually, but it _is_ a little bit late for that and what if it's awkward? Hansol seriously can't deal with awkward moments, and less on his own house. Samuel is almost chortling in delight besides him, though, and he wonders that maybe he won't have much time to feel awkward anyway.

"Is there any other kid in the bulding?" He asks, sipping on his coke.

"Actually, there is" Wonwoo confirms, "there's a couple across your apartment, they have a little boy called Chan, though I think he's a little bit older than Samuel."

"I want to meet him!"

Half an hour later and too few opinions from Hansol and he's got a party scheduled for next Friday, in an exact week. Mingyu has asked for a pen and is now writing in a napkin the name of the neighbours that are worth inviting, along with the number of apartment besides them. Wonwoo says that it'd be a little uncomfortable if Hansol plays favourites when he doesn't even know anyone, so they go for inviting everyone in the seventeenth floor and no more. Hansol just nods his head when they look up to him for a confirmation of this and that, and it seems like it's all resolved when he says that he doesn't have any clue of how to throw a party.

"You never made a party back in the US?" Mingyu frowns, kind of scandalised.

Hansol shrugs. "Went to lots, but no, never made one."

Mingyu asks Wonwoo to pass him another napkin and he's now scribbling down all the necessary things for the party when—

"Uh uh" Wonwoo shakes his head. "No alcohol, Mingyu. There'll be minors."

Mingyu looks at Samuel, then at Wonwoo, then at Samuel, and ends up with Hansol. "Damn it." He's making a big mess by trying to cover the large list of various alcohol types and brands he has already written down, when he gives up and asks for a third napkin.

All in all, Hansol concludes that it was a good afternoon after all. He goes back to his apartment with an excited Samuel clenching on his hand and with the promise that he'll get more friends (if not just acquaintances) next week. Also that he'll probably have to spend a lot for the party, doesn't matter how much Wonwoo offers to cook something or make Mingyu offer with something else. But he doesn't really mind, his bank account is quite stable despite the hit he got after the whole let's-move-to-Korea thing, and if Samuel is happy, then he is too.

 

 

Hansol is halfway done with the website design he's been working for the past two days, when he hears a soft knock on his door. It takes him a few seconds to notice this though, because he's so engrossed in his work and once the concentration breaks, it's hard to get back on it. The knock is persistent, and after a few more seconds, he finally lets go of the mouse, and stretches his fingers.

Once before the door, he realizes he shouldn't have opened the door at all.

"Hansol!" Mingyu gasps, "I need you!"

He frowns. The older looks accelerated, rushed. He's gasping for air and leaning on the door's frame. "What is it?"

"Something— something happened to Wonwoo!" He barely explains, raising an arm toward him "come, hurry!"

"Why don't you call 911— I mean, fuck, here's 112, right?" He's about to go back inside for his phone, but Mingyu is fast enough and is tugging him forward instead, making Hansol get out of the apartment with his slippers on.

"There's no time for that!" He answers hurriedly, and soon they're in front of Mingyu's apartment door. He's writing down the password as Hansol wonders what the hell happened, if Wonwoo was injured because— oh god, he is _so_ bad at this, and his mother told him to take that first aid course when he was back in high school, and he _supposedly_ did but he actually skipped the whole thing to play baseball with Jack instead, and— stupid Jack, god, he's going to be the reason why Wonwoo will die on him and—

"Thirty seconds. That's impressive." A voice says from the inside when Mingyu opens the door and tugs Hansol by the arm.

He's greeted not only with Wonwoo sitting in his sofa, but with another male leaning by the little island in their kitchen, snacking on some dry fruit. Hansol frowns, and needs things to be explained to actually understand what the heck is going on.

Mingyu giggles and runs from Hansol's side to sit besides Wonwoo as he asks, "what the hell?"

"He's mad" Wonwoo says, stating the obvious. "Told you he was going to get mad."

"But he's here." Mingyu retorts, and the unknown male lifts a finger for that, as if saying _true that._

"We have to plan your housewarming party" Wonwoo finally explains, although his attention is constantly going back to the book in his hands.

Hansol almost can't believe it. "What?"

"It's Tuesday, Chwe!" Mingyu explains in what could almost look like a little tantrum. But he's a grownass man and he doesn't do tantrums, does he? "And you haven't prepared anything!"

"I'm busy!" Mingyu rolls his eyes. "I am! And aren't you supposed to be at school right now? And who are you, if that's not too intrusive?" He now turns to the stranger, who giggles at that. Hansol's kind of done with everything, but the other looks older than him so he doesn't forget to at least try and be polite.

"I'm Seungcheol" He explains, and that means nothing to Hansol, not yet at least. "I don't know if these two dorks have talked to you about me," he makes a pause and looks at Hansol's face to confirm that _no, they haven't_ "I'm Chan's dad" and— oh.

"Oh!" Hansol now _kind of_ understands.

"I don't work on Tuesdays" Mingyu explains now, feeling like it was necessary.

"But why are we even—"

"Because Mingyu doesn't work on Tuesdays," Wonwoo repeats again, "and he's been on edge all day because he was _sure_ you haven't planned anything yet."

"And why—"

"I'm a stay-in dad" Seungcheol explains. "Well, it's only temporarily."

Mingyu snorts. "Keep repeating that to yourself, hyung"

Seungcheol flicks a piece of dry fruit at him, and it lands somewhere over the floor. Wonwoo groans.

"They're both very _very_ bored, and I kind of sold you out and said that you were probably in your apartment. I'm sorry." Wonwoo apologises, which does nothing to Hansol, actually.

He's not actually mad, but the way Mingyu dragged him here pushed him on edge. Hansol sighs, trying to calm his heart a little.

"A beer?" Seungcheol offers, lifting his.

He's about to say _no_ because it's barely one pm and he's got to pick up Samuel from school in two hours, but guesses that one beer should be no harm. He nods his head in time for Mingyu to complain, "stop offering my beer!"

"You deserve it" Seungcheol replies, and Wonwoo laughs as Mingyu clings onto him a little, pouting.

It turns out that Seungcheol lives just across the hall, which surprises Hansol _a lot_ because it's now when he realizes that he hasn't seen him or his family at all. Apparently Samuel and Chan go to the same school, but as Seungcheol makes sure to drop him off early enough, Samuel _always_ arrives at least five minutes later after the bell rings. He'd like to say it's Samuel's doings, but he has to admit that sometimes it's his fault too.

Fortunately, Seungcheol doesn't refer to Samuel as Hansol's _son_ nor he asks for the existance of a Miss Chwe, and Hansol feels grateful. Then, he wonders if Mingyu had told him something beforehand. For some reason, it doesn't anger him in the slightest if that's the case.

Seungcheol tells him he's not working at the moment because he's planning to open his own CD shop, and whereas his husband works in a music company and is very supportive of his plans, he doesn't meddle in at all. That only means that Seungcheol is advancing at baby steps as he un-officially became a stay-in dad. Hansol hears him attentively and is about to ask some things about Chan when Seungcheol's beer is empty, and he's about to reach for a second one but Mingyu interrupts them.

"So? How is it going to be?" He asks, looking at Hansol. The younger of three sighs, wondering for a second how would Mingyu react if he tells him he should do the party instead.

But no, he shouldn't close off. He came here for Samuel to have a better life, just like his sister would've wanted him to, and doing a little something with his neighbours is _nothing_ compared to the problems to come.

"Well," he starts, "we already said that we're only inviting the floor, right?" Mingyu nods. "How many are they?"

"Well, it's us," He points at Wonwoo and himself, counting with his fingers, "it's Seungcheol hyung, Jihoon hyung, little Chanie, also Minghao and Junhui hyung from down the hall, there's Kim ajhumma and his husband, and— uh, there's also this girl but I totally forgot her name—"

"Myungeun" Wonwoo says from over the couch, where he is writing down some things.

"Ah, right, Myungeun! And that makes us… uh..."

"Ten people" Hansol answers. "Counting me and Samuel, it's ten."

"Well, there you have it, a party for ten." Mingyu crosses his arms.

"Is it okay to order in some food?"

Seungcheol and Mingyu frown. "It's okay if people arrive with food, but the thing is that _you_ make the food, y'know? Because you're, like— starting something! Your new life in your new house!"

"I've been living here for almost a month." Hansol states the obvious, and Seungcheol snorts. "And I suck at cooking, I can only do _kimchi jjigae_ without screwing it up."

"We could help you" Seungcheol says now, "I make a delicious _carbonada_ "

"And Wonwoo-hyung makes the best _bibimbap._ " Said one just nods his head without actually looking up at them.

"Will that be enough for ten people, though?" Hansol scratches the back of his head. Everyone turns to look at Seungcheol, looking for answers. Maybe it's because they know Mingyu can't cook either or because he's the older of the four. Hansol doesn't even know.

The older ends up rolling his eyes and adds, "I'll tell Jihoon to come with some half-half chicken."

"Yay!" Mingyu cheers. "Then it's settled. You just have to invite the remaining people, though." He looks at Hansol.

"Now?"

"No," Seungcheol answers, looking down at his phone, "it's almost three of clock. We better get going." Mingyu turns his head to the side like a little puppy who doesn't understand what's happening. "to pick up the kids."

"Oh, right. Well, invite them later." Mingyu says while the other two are standing up, and before they're out of his apartment, he makes sure to scream, "but do it today!"

 

 

The way over the school is a lot better this time.

Normally, Hansol would put on his earphones and rush his way to the school, either because he's going late or because he wants to see Samuel already. This time, though, he walks at a normal pace with Seungcheol, talking about nothing in particular. The older points out the best establishments he's been into as they spot them, tells him how to gain the trust from the ahjumma who sells street food just around the corner of the street, and talks about that one time Chan started a street dancing match out of the music that came out from a music shop. People had gathered in the span of minutes, mainly because it was rush hour and lots of parents were walking with their own kids. Some of Chan's classmates were there, and they cheered on him. Apparently, it was a huge deal, or that's how Seungcheol tells it.

When they arrive at the school, though, they have to part ways, because Chan's classroom is in a different building from Samuel's. Hansol _for once_ pretends that he actually picks up his kid from his classroom instead from the gate, because what kind of parent is lazy like that, right?

It's until he's in Samuel's classroom hallway that the fact that he'll see Seungkwan hits in. Hansol hadn't seen him ever since that night, and though they hadn't said goodbye feeling awkward, he can't say that he doesn't feel awkward _right now._ He doesn't know what would be convenient to say, or if he even has to say something.

Either way, he doesn't have much time to think about it, because soon the door is opening and kids are running out and toward their mothers. Hansol waits patiently by the wall, scanning all the tiny children in search to fetch his and ran his way out of there. But Samuel doesn't come until much later, and, oh, look at that, he's talking with Seungkwan.

The teacher looks exceptionally good today. He's got the specks over the bridge of his nose yet again, and he's using an informal yet _very nice looking_ brown jacket over his black silk shirt. Hansol doesn't have time to question himself if that's even a normal attire for a first grade teacher, because soon, Seungkwan is smiling down at Samuel and Hansol is awestruck, looking at his apple cheeks appear yet again. It's like there's not one bad bone in Seungkwan's body that Hansol wouldn't like, and he feels the tip of his ears turning red when this fact hits in.

Neither of them have seen Hansol yet, and he gives himself a few more seconds to admire the domestic picture before him. Then, he gathers the enough strength to break their little bubble.

"Chwe!" Samuel cheers, running towards him. The teacher looks up to him, and Hansol doesn't want to believe his eyes sparkle when their gazes meet. "What are you doing here? You never come all the way here!"

Seungkwan walks towards Hansol, hands folded over his chest, and he's close enough to hear Samuel's statement.

"Yeah, you never come all the way here." The teacher repeats, amused. "Something happened?" He looks worried now.

Maybe it's in the rush to assure Seungkwan that everything was alright, or maybe Hansol has a part of himself that is plotting against him and is wishing for his destruction, but something makes him blurt out, "I wanted to invite you for my housewarming party."

Samuel is gasping between the two olders. "That's a great idea!"

Seungkwan stays silent for a second, almost not believing it. Then, he frowns. "Housewarming party? Did you guys change apartment?"

"No," Samuel answers, "It's just that Chwe is slow—"

Hansol doesn't let him finish, covering his mouth with his enormous hand and pushing the infant behind him. Samuel protests, but neither of them pay him attention.

"I just didn't get the time" Hansol answers, which is kind of the truth. He is still kind of adjusting to this new life in Korea, and a housewarming was at the bottom of his To-Do-List for a reason.

"When is the party?" Seungkwan asks.

"On Friday."

The teacher hums. "Is it really okay if I go?" He sounds unsure, and Hansol frowns.

"Why wouldn't it be?" He asks without thinking, scared that Seungkwan would feel uncomfortable around him.

Perhaps the lightning in this hallway is kind of funny, because Hansol could swear he sees the teacher reddening up before him. And if that's the case, then the acoustic must have something too, because he almost sounds flustered as he answers, "No, it's fine, I just— I, uh… don't want you to feel forced to ask me."

"But I'm not" Hansol replies, and smiles a little as he adds, "I want you there."

Behind him, Samuel makes gagging sounds. Hansol looks down at him, and frowns, but the infant just laughs.

"Okay." Seungkwan smiles, "okay" he repeats, "I, uh, could I bring some friends?"

Hansol lifts an eyebrow. He didn't even plan on inviting Seungkwan, but now friends of his too? He's gonna need more than three dishes to offer.

"How many are they?" He asks, kind of affraid of the answer.

"Oh, just two" Seungkwan titters, as if that was _nothing,_ almost a _you won't even notice them_ and Hansol won't know until Friday that it's not the case. "They are teachers here too."

"Oh, do I know them?" Samuel asks, coming back to the conversation.

"Kwon and Lee _Ssaems._ " Seungkwan answers, and Samuel cheers.

"I love Lee _Ssaem_ but, why Kwon?" He pouts.

"You don't like him?" Hansol asks, preoccupied.

"He won't ever let me win bingo. He always plays with us and _always_ wins when I'm about to win." He complains, and both grownups laugh. "Can we play bingo in the party?" Samuel perks up.

Hansol shrugs. "It wouldn't be a bad idea."

Seungkwan smiles at both of them, until Hansol looks up at him. "Oh, okay— uh, Friday then. What time?"

Hansol opens his mouth, but nothings comes out. He doesn't have any idea at what hour this thing is supposed to start, or to finish, for that matter.

Seungkwan laughs at Hansol's confused fish expression.

"I could give you my number and you— uh, text me the hour." Seungkwan offers, scratching the back of his head. "If you're okay with it, not many parents have my number but it's a form to keep a better communication with them and—"

"It's perfect." Hansol interrupts, smiling, and taking out his phone. Seungkwan is quick to write down his number and call, for which the device starts vibrating in his back pocket.

"This way we both have our numbers." The teacher explains, and Hansol simply nods. They don't say anything for the next seconds, too busy staring at each other.

"Can we leave now?" Samuel asks from between them when the silence has gone too long. Both of them break into an embarrassing moment, and proceed to say goodbye. Hansol makes sure to see Seungkwan go back to his classroom before walking down the hallway and outside of the building.

"What took you so long?" Seungcheol asks when they reach the gate. There's a cute kid standing besides him, eyes tiny and defined as he frowns from how strong the sun is. His hair is black, and his skin is _very_ light, almost doll looking.

"I was— busy." Hansol explains.

"Who are they?" The kid, who now Hansol figures that is Chan, asks to Seungcheol. Samuel looks up to Hansol, asking the same question without saying it.

"They're our neighbours, Chan, the ones who moved just across the hall." Seungcheol explains. "His name is Hansol, and Samuel. He's younger than you, so make sure to treat him nicely, hm?" Chan nods, but looks skeptical about the explanation.

Hansol squats besides Samuel, and explains the same thing. "His name is Seungcheol, and Chan."

"Why are you named Samuel?" Chan asks, then looks up at Hansol. "Are you and your dad not Korean?"

Hansol doesn't even try to stop Samuel from repeating, "Chwe isn't my dad!" He only laughs at Seungcheol's uncomfortable face and Chan's confused face. He lets Samuel explain them, and instead focuses on the fact that not only will he throw a party this Friday, but he'll be seeing Seungkwan too.

 

 

When they're back to their apartment building, Samuel and Chan are in a heated discussion on which Pokémon is better and why. Samuel each time gives Chan a long ass reason why his favorite Pokémons are objectively the best, and though this throws Chan off guard, the older answers with something simple yet strong that will make Samuel gape, or laugh. Seungcheol stares at them with amusement, kind of not believing what he is seeing, while Hansol simply laughs at the things he's hearing. Samuel is convinced that Chan should be refered as _hyung_ so he makes sure to say it the entire walk.

It's an understatement to say they're officially friends by the time they say goodbye, with both of them promising to invite each other to their respective houses in some other time.

The afternoon goes by rather quickly, with Hansol having done the laundry already and cooking some frozen nuggets for Samuel (he _is_ trying to feed him edible food, really), he's got the whole afternoon to resume his work in the website design. Even though Samuel can be a hard kid sometimes, the infant tries to not bother Hansol when he's in his office, working, unless it's for an urgent thing.

Around seven pm, Samuel knocks on Hansol's door.

He's about to say that he'll make him something to eat in a minute, but by his surprise, the infant is already talking with someone.

"Yes, uncle!" Samuel sounds excited, with tone of voice two times higher than normal.

Hansol turns around in time to see Samuel holding his phone, and apparently, FaceTime-ing someone.

"If you make me that _little_ favor, I'll make sure to bring you a present from LA the next time I go visit you." The voice from the phone says, and— ah, Joshua.

"Ah, ah, a toy!" Samuel jumps, and Hansol is frowning from his chair.

"Give me the phone" Hansol orders, though he's not making any efforts in taking the phone from him.

Samuel pouts a little, but does it in the end. "Goodbye uncle Shua! I love you!" Joshua laughs from all across the Pacific ocean and sends some kisses to him while he can, before he's seeing Hansol's face in the camera.

"Now, tell me why are you FaceTime-ing my kid" Hansol jokes as Samuel runs out of the room.

Joshua laughs some more, and Hansol can't help it but feel a little nostalgic already. He hasn't really communicated with anyone back home, hardly sending text messages to his parents about Samuel's status. He knows it's not really fair from him, since they were against the idea of having their only son moving to the other side of the world. In the four weeks they've been there, Hansol has FaceTime-ed Joshua a total of two times, and his mother, three. She has called him at least once a week, and Hansol appreciates it a lot, because he's never thinking of doing the same.

"Dude, I called _your_ phone, it's not my fault he's intelligent enough to answer it." Joshua answers.

The older looks bright as a star, with his head disheveled and still using what seemed his night attire.

"Why are you even calling at this hour?" Hansol frowns, "ain't like four am there?"

"Three" Joshua corrects him. "And we're having a little thing at the house" He giggles. He sounds a bit tipsy, which is surprising, because Joshua always avoids alcohol like a plague.

"A little thing?" Hansol raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah, y'know how Jeonghan gets when he gets a new promotion"

"Dude, what!?" Hansol gapes.

" _Yeeeeaaaaahhhhhh_ " Joshua says, making a little dance that looks embarrasing even from across the world. Hansol guffaws. "He's a _real_ fashion designer now, I'm so proud of him." The older one smiles.

"That's amazing" Hansol reassures. There's the sound of a door being opened, and Joshua turns around as a voice says _Shhuaaaa— oh._ Joshua tells the voice to come near and Hansol is now seeing two of his favorite people.

"Vernon!" Jeonghan greets, maybe a bit too excited, and maybe really drunk. "Vernon, dear, why aren't you here?" The older suddenly sounds so sad, and Hansol's sure it's because he's drunk.

"You know why, though I'm really glad to hear the good news!"

Jeonghan shoves Joshua's shoulder, "Jisoo! You told him?!" Said one is giggling yet again, and Hansol can't believe his eyes. They're fighting with each other as Joshua tries to hold the phone high in order to not drop it.

"Guys, I'm still here."

"Ah, right" Jeonghan stops on the Joshua assault, and takes the phone off him, walking away from Joshua. "Tell me, Vernonie, how is your little crush going?"

Hansol would've choked on his drink if he was drinking something in the first place, but because he wasn't, he only opened his eyes like two enormous plates. Jeonghan titters.

"It's— uh, going, I guess." He's embarrassed but he doesn't know why. Is it because he hasn't done anything at all about it, or because they know in the first place? But Hansol's the one who told Joshua.

"So you haven't done anything yet, huh?" Jeonghan concludes. "What was his name, again?"

"Uh— Seungkwan"

"Do you have a photo of _uh— Seungkwan_?" Jeonghan mocks.

"No!" Hansol frowns "That'd be super weird!"

"Would it really?" Jeonghan giggles. "Do you have his number?"

"I— actually do." Hansol confesses.

Jeonghan jumps around the room like a little kid. "Then what are you waiting for?!"

What is Hansol waiting for? He's waiting for a meteorite to land in Seoul and finally put him out of his missery, once and for all. He's waiting for himself to grow a pair, he's waiting to understand _why_ is it so difficult for him to do anything. He's also waiting for Mingyu's confirmation on what would a nice hour be to start the party.

"I'm making a housewarming party this Friday—"

"And we're not invited?!"

Hansol snorts. "Would you be able to make it?"

"That sounds like a challenge" Jeonghan answers.

 _We're not going to South Korea_ Joshua states from across the room, and Jeonghan growns.

"Well, you're making a party, and?"

"I invited him" Hansol says, and adds, "and I have no idea why"

"Because you like him, duh"

"Yeah" Hansol laughs, "but, no, I mean, I didn't plan to invite him but— it just, happened."

Hansol's attention flickers to the top of his phone where a message pops up.

_From Mingyu: I guess eight pm would be good_

_From Mingyu: also did you invite everyone else??????_

_From Mingyu: if you didn't I'm gonna be so mad >:(_

"Fuck—" Hansol curses lightly, looking back at Jeonghan. "Hyung, I have to do something—"

_From Mingyu: Minghao just messaged me_

_From Mingyu: he said you haven't invited him_

_From Mingyu: that is /so/ rude Chwe Hansol_

"Who is messaging you so much?" Jeonghan asks outloud. "Oh— is it Seungkwan?"

"No, I— I just have to do something. I'll call you guys later."

He hangs up just after Jeonghan has said goodbye and showed Joshua over the screen a little, as the older was lying in his bed and waving goodbye with a goofy smile in his face. Hansol makes sure to lock his computer before going out of the office and seeing Samuel playing with some car toys in the living room with the TV on. He's half moving the red car in his hand, half watching the koi fishes documentary in Japan, amazed by the amazing colors from the fishes.

"I want one" Samuel announces in what sounds like a whisper, eyes glooed to the TV as Hansol passes by.

"I'll be back in a bit" Hansol tells him, putting on his shoes and closing the door behind him.

First, he goes to the door that's besides Seungcheol's apartment and in front of Wonwoo and Mingyu's. He doesn't really know who it belongs to, but he thinks it doesn't really matter. A lady in her pajamas opens the door, and though they don't know each other yet, she looks delighted that a handsome man is knocking on her door. She's trying to invite him inside, but Hansol refuses politely, scared that if he goes inside, he won't ever come out.

He politely invites her to the party on Friday, and she proceeds to tell Hansol a quick story of a friend whose daugther had a housewarming a few weeks back and _oh dear, are you single? Oh, of course you aren't, someone like you has to have someone! And the little boy of yours, he is so cute I could just eat him!_ Hansol knows she's just joking, but he still makes a mental note to keep Samuel a bit away from her in the party.

He then moves to the next door, and though he knocks for an entire minute, no one answers. He goes back to his apartment to pick up a piece of paper and pen, seeing now that Samuel has changed channels and is now watching a re-run of Infinite Challenge. Samuel's laughing at one of Haha's antics and Hansol rolls his eyes, making his way out again. He writes down his introduction and invites whoever lives here to his party on Friday, making sure to add a smiley face at the end before sliding the invitation under the door.

Then, he moves to the last door, that is besides Wonwoo and Mingyu's. He knocks on the door once, twice, and the door opens.

"Look who it is" The boy in front of him says. He's got a black mullet and dark specks over the bridge of his nose. He's got different colors of paint all over his body, and Hansol hears the faint sound of Drake's voice in the background. His accent sounds a little funny, but he doesn't sound very glad to see him. "Dude, introduce yourself 'cause I really have no idea of who you are"

"Oh, shoot, yeah—" Hansol laughs nervously, "I just moved here—"

" _Just_ moved here?"

"Well, a month ago—"

"Then you didn't _just_ move here" The boy corrects him. Hansol's got his mouth open, and he's not sure what to say next that wouldn't piss this guy off. "I'm kidding" he says then, smiling brightly, a 180 grades change from his original expression. "You're Hansol, right?"

Said one lets out a nervous sigh, and nods. "Yeah, I wanted to invite you guys to my housewarming party on Friday, it's just a little thing."

"Yeah, okay— we'll be there. Ah, I'm Minghao, by the way."

Hansol's about to answer, when a voice from the inside interrupts, "Who is it, Ming—" There's a second boy standing before Hansol. He's got brown hair and a very well defined face, if that's even a thing. He just looks— good.

"Just our new neighbour" Minghao explains. "Hansol, Jun, Jun, Hansol."

"Hi" Hansol greets, not really sure what to do. But the other boy, Jun, knows exactly what to do.

"Ah, we finally meet!" He cheers, stepping outside of his apartment and hugging Hansol in the middle of the hallway. "I've heard so much about you from Mingyu"

"Really?" Hansol asks, frozen in Jun's hold. The other nods enthusiastically, and Minghao rolls his eyes.

"Would you like to come on in—?"

"Oh, no, I can't, I have to go back, I just came by to invite you." Hansol smiles.

"Okay" Minghao answers, smiling. "We'll be there."

Jun, who is still hugging him, nods. "Yeah, we'll be."

They spend around ten seconds in an awkward moment like that. Well, it's awkward at least for Hansol, though something tells him Jun is very much comfortable.

"Jun, can you please let him go"

"Oh, right, hehe" Jun laughs, finally stepping aside, and once Hansol is free, he walks backwards, bowing at them and wishing them a good night. Just when he's about to step into his apartment, he hears Minghao say _you totally freaked him out_ and Jun gasp, _I did not!_

Hansol can't say that was something normal, but he still laughs to himself when he's taking off his shoes, amused. They were some interesting people indeed. Before he steps into his living room and deals with what to feed Samuel for dinner, he leans against the wall and breathes.

Now he's got to make a party for seventeen people, and though he doesn't know how that will be possible, he can't say he's not at least a little excited (and perhaps a little anxious, but that's a door he doesn't want to peak into) for Friday to arrive already.

His hearts throbs in his chest when he thinks about a certain someone, and Hansol doesn't stop himself from smiling like a high school boy.

"You're being weird, Chwe" Samuel frowns from where he's standing, looking at Hansol.

He sighs heavily a last time, before turning to the infant and chase him around the house for the next ten minutes, screams of laughter filling their house.


	4. mad sounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [be still](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vtp-p7qFI2I&ab_channel=EsKaLiDe)

 

_To Seungkwan: the party'll start at eight :)_

_From Seungkwan: :)_

 

Perhaps Hansol doesn't really know what he's doing. Perhaps he's never thought of doing a party because the single thought of it already tires him enough. But there's one thing he knows: parties aren't supposed to look like _this._

Four guys, one kid.

First, we have Mingyu, who is trying really hard to stick the red decoration all around the door's frame but failing miserably as Wonwoo simply sighs from the kitchen but doesn't even try to help him. Said one is preparing the food Hansol is supposed to be preparing himself, but he just arrived from the quick trip Mingyu forced him to make to pick up some things like garlands, paper hats and the bingo Samuel was asking him for. Hansol doesn't really think his housewarming party needs things like these, but he won't even try to say anything to the older who seems more excited than he is.

Then, we have Samuel, who has been lazing around the living room until he finds a way to annoy Mingyu as he tries to _dress up_ Hansol's apartment and then Wonwoo calls him because Mingyu is indeed really ticklish and by his height he's _so_ going to break something. Hansol made sure to clean up the apartment that very morning, having Seungcheol to pick up Samuel while he tried to understand how the green stain in the sofa's arm rest happened. Samuel had come back around five pm, saying that he wanted to help too but Mingyu is taking his role as party organizer very seriously and doesn't let him do much.

When Wonwoo has finished his _bibimbap_ and prepared the ingredients for Hansol's _kimchi jjigae_ he finally gave himself the chance to sit down and watch TV with Samuel like the younger has been nagging him for. Mingyu eyed them with something like envy, but then he turned around, and continued sticking some glow-in-the-dark stars around Hansol's walls ( _"don't worry, they come off with water and don't leave a stain"_ ).

Hansol is now waiting for the _kimchi jjigae_ to boil, and the apartment looks kind of good, he'd have to say, but it looks pretty much the same to him. Just with pretty and glow-y things around. His idea of parties included _a lot_ of alcohol and less cute things sticked around his apartment.

Perhaps it's better like this, he likes to think, perhaps Hansol has been more uncomfortable than he'd like to admit in the parties he's used to going, and perhaps he'd like this one even more.

Or perhaps it's all a lie and a way to convince himself that it'll go okay, at the least.

"Uh, Hansol" Mingyu calls from where he's standing by the courtain, "who do you have a courtain here?" He points, confused.

"For the balcony?"

"You have a—" Mingyu moves the courtain aside, "Wonwoo-hyung, he's got a balcony!" He gapes like he really can't believe it.

"You don't?"

Mingyu shakes his head. "I didn't know they were offering apartments with balcony! I want to change!" He demands. "Why don't we have one?"

Wonwoo simply answers, "because ours was cheaper" as he devours Samuel's chips. The infant frowns, but doesn't move the bowl away.

To be completely honest, Hansol didn't even know his included a balcony. Yeah, he noticed his apartment was slightly more expensive than the others, but he honestly thought it differ from the floor and location of the apartment. All he wanted was to live right besides the elevator, so he didn't complain much.

Mingyu opens the slide door and goes out to admire the beauty of a modern city, the contless apartment buildings all lined up like Samuel's leggo's when he's trying to build his own city. Some may see it kind of overwhelming, perhaps in the need to watch something more green and natural than that, but to Hansol, it was kind of just like NY. The picture was just lacking the uncomfortable traffic jams and aggravating noises, but that's something he would never really miss much.

The older is stretching his body and taking deep breaths, when he looks down and, "oh! Jihoon-hyung is coming! Hyung! Hyung!" Mingyu is waving to the floor, and Hansol still watches from the kitchen, entertained with the gigant kid. Said one turns around with a pout, closing the door behind him as he says, "he didn't hear me."

Hansol turns around to finish his dish and place it in a bowl to cover up until it's dinner time which is in— roughly two hours.

He sighs.

 

 

Fortunately, the time passes by quite quickly in those two hours. Unfortunately, Hansol isn't ready by the time Seungkwan arrives.

It started with Samuel wanting to have a bath with his ducks instead of just taking a quick shower like Hansol asked him to. The infant stood playing and splashing water over the bath until he was wrinkled like a raisin. Hansol was already dressed up for the party… which was a rookie move from him, because as soon as he reached for Samuel, the younger threw him some water in an attempt to move away. This did not only wet his entire bathroom, but his clothes too.

He didn't care much what Mingyu and Wonwoo thought when he walked out of the bathroom with a naked Samuel crying over his shoulder, he was too used to the image himself.

He changed clothes and dressed up a very red and puffy Samuel, promising that if he behaved, he'd let him have some ice cream before going to sleep. That seemed to be the trick these days, because Samuel perked up in an instant.

He was still missing his pants and was wearing some basketball shorts when someone called to his bedroom door. Before he could answer, the door had been opened and a very bright lady greeted him as if this was her own house. Maybe she wasn't as intrusive as Hansol thought she'd be, because instead of walking in and inspecting his room, she called for him to go out.

Outside, Mingyu and Wonwoo were already dressed up too (he doesn't know when they left and came back) with a very excited Jun playing video games with his PS4 and Minghao busy in his phone, the four of them sitting comfortably in his sofa. The lady was saying something about her having to leave right away but that she left some food for them over the counter. Hansol didn't really hear, because someone rang the bell to his door and Mingyu stood up to open it, a very well dressed Seungkwan walking in right after.

Samuel rushed out of the room with his shirt still unbuttoned, sitting besides Wonwoo to watch them play. The lady was still speaking to Hansol, and he should've probably worried about the noise coming from the kitchen, but his complete attention fell over Seungkwan without a doubt.

His hair was styled over his forehead, his shirt was white with a ziper going down from his neck to the middle of his chest and his pants were black and simple. He could swear that Mingyu, who was receiving him and apparently telling him something very important that requiered him to tug him by the elbow, caught him staring. Which, in all honesty, he was, because he failed to see the other two people walking in behind Seungkwan.

It's Minghao who notices how uncomfortable he looks hearing the lady speak (who, by how Minghao calls her, is refered as Jung granny). The neighbor is folding her in a semi hug, suddenly interested in her dress and Jung granny is delighted with the attention as Minghao walks her outside. Hansol takes his chance and walks to the front door.

Seungkwan, scowling at whatever Mingyu was saying, had just taked off his shoes when Hansol approaches. Mingyu stops mumbling things in the youngers ears and both turn to look at Hansol, who seems to have intrude in something important.

"Hi!" Hansol greets the moment Seungkwan also says, "here!"

Seungkwan is offering him a plastic bag with various things inside. There's more toiletpaper, soaps and what looked like scented candles.

"Wow" Hansol takes the bag, "thanks."

He looks at Seungkwan who is smiling at him so tenderly, and it might sound stupid but Hansol kind of hopes the other doesn't smile to anyone else like this. Mingyu, who is looking at the scene by the side, interrupts with a snort.

"Uh, you got an interesting style, Chwe"

The three of them look at Hansol's bare legs under the basketball shorts and he suddenly feels so conscious about his body.

He doesn't have much time to think about anything to say, because then there's a second person appearing from behind Seungkwan and looking down at him like everyone else.

"Hey, it's his house, we shouldn't judge" The new male says, although he snorts shortly after and shares a mischivious smile with Mingyu. "Oh, by the way, I'm Soonyoung, and you look good even like this, y'know."

Before Hansol has any time to respond, there's a yell coming from the living room. Everyone turns to the source, which goes by the name of Samuel, who is standing up with the brightest smile Hansol has seen him have ever since he told him last night that he'll give him half an hour more to see TV.

" _Ssaem!_ " The infant screams, and runs toward them in the spurr of the moment, ready to bear hug whoever he is talking to.

Mingyu frowns (since he _never_ calls him that), Seungkwan smiles, Soonyoung kneels down with his eyes closed, opened arms and ready for landing, and Samuel ignores them both to hug the leg of the third unknown person who has been standing just before the door this whole time.

The male (who Hansol hopes is the last new person he'll meet in a while, he is very bad with names) pats Samuel's head, a warm smile showing off in his enormous mouth.

"Oh," he laughs when he notices everyone's eyes on him, "I'm Seokmin, I hope we're not being too intrusive."

Seokmin offers his hand and Hansol takes it without thinking, and answers, "It's fine, man" although an hour earlier he was still going crazy with the number of people that'd be in what used to look like his big apartment but now seemed like a tight room.

"What is that?" Samuel points at the cooler that Soonyoung is holding, and Seungkwan simply sighs.

"I'm so so sorry" Seungkwan tiredly apologizes.

They're all moving to the inside of the apartment, and Soonyoung lays the cooler over the counter, opening to show off its content. Hansol opens his mouth but nothing comes out and—

"I know, Seungkwanie told me that _no_ alcohol, but man, this is a party and it's not like we're gonna get wasted or anything—"

Mingyu laughs outloud, reaching for one of the cold beers. "Dude, there's like two six packs in here!"

"A twelve pack, Mingyu" Soonyoung snorts, and the other pouts.

"A twelve pack never sounds as good as _two_ six packs."

Soonyoung gasps in bewilderment. "Says who?!"

Both males forget the existence of alcohol to build up what will be one of the most heated discusions of the night, and Seungkwan closes the lid of the cooler before Samuel manages to climb on a chair to look what they're all talking about. The older turns to him, and he sincerely looks sorry.

"I told him not to, and when he picked me up he had this cooler at the back—"

"He picked you up?" Hansol asks, suddenly not interested in anything else.

Seungkwan chuckles, "Yeah?"

"I could've picked you up."

"That makes no sense, why would you go out to pick me up when we're supposed to come to your place?"

Hansol opens his mouth to argue that he had gone out anyway to run some errands, but he doesn't think he'd get to a conclusion where he'd be satisfied and _not_ blushing like a tomato. Seungkwan is staring at him as he has his internal discusion, and seems to find it funny.

"Either way, I'm really sorry."

"It's okay." Hansol assures. "I just don't want Samuel to see it."

"Of course" Seungkwan nods, "we can serve it in the plastic cups so he won't see the cans."

"That'd be good."

Samuel interrupts their conversation by tugging on Seungkwan's pants to show him something, when Hansol's hand automatically moves to the inside of his elbow to stop him midway. Seungkwan turns around, and Hansol says,

"You look really good, by the way."

Seungkwan smiles, and walks away with Samuel tugging on his hand.

 

 

It's until Mingyu points out for the second time that Hansol is using his basketball shorts, that he finally goes to his room to change.

When he comes back, Seungcheol is entering the apartment, holding two plastic bags with what smelled like half-half chicken, like he promised. Before him, there's a male kneeling and taking off Chan's shoes. When he raises back up, he doesn't make an effort to hide his fatigue but still shows off a little smile as he greets Hansol, "I'm Jihoon." Jihoon has blond hair and is just a little tinier than him, but his face is very cute and for the first time, Hansol feels the need to poke a grown man's cheek.

Seungcheol gives Hansol the bags with chicken and lies a hand over the back of Jihoon's neck, whispering something in his ear before pecking him on the cheek and walking inside with Hansol toward the kitchen. Jihoon looks mortified when they walk away, but mostly flushed red.

Chan rans toward Samuel to see what he's showing Seungkwan on the TV as everyone else seems to be comfortable enough in their own talks, and Hansol lets his eyes linger on Seungkwan only for a few seconds before focusing on serving the food.

Seungcheol and Wonwoo lended him some unfoldable tables for him to fix across his living room, and Mingyu and Minghao help to set him that up as everyone else borrow his bathroom to wash their hands. Hansol is about to take off his apron and go help Samuel to wash his, but he notices all the way from the kitchen that Seungkwan is already doing it, as well as with Chan.

During dinner, everyone mostly keep quiet as they eat, making sure to hum in approval and compliment Hansol, although he barely made one dish on his own. He doesn't want to keep credit for everything, but Wonwoo doesn't let him speak, patting his back and shoving a piece of _bibimbap_ in his mouth a second after.

Samuel is sitting between his legs, stealing food from his plate as well as Mingyu's, who is sitting on his right side. Because everyone is sitting around the short legged tables, it's a bit cramped around, but not to the point of being uncomfortable. Well, at least for the people who isn't sitting besides Mingyu and his gigantic body.

"The place looks amazing, by the way" Seungcheol compliments.

"I decorated it" Mingyu comments. Minghao snorts.

"So that's why it looks like a five year old did it? I honest to God thought Samuel did it"

Samuel perks up at his name being mentioned. "I would've done it better" He adds, and everyone around the table laughs.

Everyone but Mingyu. "I didn't have much to work with!" He complains.

"You should've called Seungkwan then," Seokmin adds, "he's amazing with decoration."

Hansol looks at the man in question, catching sight of the rare moment of his cheeks red under the sudden attention.

"Oh, well, I do average" Seungkwan laughs.

Soonyoung, who hasn't really said anything this whole time, suddenly speaks up.

"Aren't you being oddly shy, Seungkwanie?" He questions, with a bit of mock in his voice.

Seungkwan glares at him, but doesn't bite on the bait, instead going back to his eating. Soonyoung looks at him one more second before shifting his attention to Hansol, who _has_ been really quiet even though he's the host of this party.

"So, tell me Hansol, since I know basically nothing about you, why did you and your son come to Korea?"

Almost everyone's eyes turn to him, and Samuel is about to answer with his infamous retort, but Hansol is quick to cover his mouth.

"He's not my son" He explains, and Seungkwan elbows Soonyoung, scolding him wordlessly. "He's my nephew."

"Oh—"

Hansol interrupts before Soonyoung gets the chance to look at him pitiful, "my sister died in an accident around three years ago, and I became his guardian" He's playing with Samuel's hair as he explains, unconsciously tracing with his fingertips, but without actually touching, the part where Samuel had the surgery.

The infant is busing himself with more food, and as soon as Hansol stops talking, he covers the older's mouth with his tiny hand, just like Hansol had done it before.

Samuel looks up at him and shakes his head, expressing through his eyelids that he doesn't wan to hear about it anymore, and Hansol smiles, kind of nostalgically.

"We came to Korea because she wanted Samuel to live where his roots are from, and I needed a change of setting, so why not?" He chuckles.

He didn't realise the table had gone uncomfortably quiet. Everyone looks nervous and Hansol is starting to hate himself. He had _one_ job in this party, and it was to keep it low, let the things happen on their own without meddling in with the depressing aspects of his life, but it has happened yet again, and he's slowly panicking.

That is, until Mingyu wordlessly places his glass of beer in front of Hansol with a noisy thump, perhaps in an attempt to say _I'm here for you._ Hansol doesn't really know how it really happened, that if maybe there was this entity who _finally_ wanted to cut Hansol some slack, but everyone, as if on cue, snort loudly at the gesture.

Suddenly, what used to be an uncomfortable table, is now a mess of laughs and giggles, people clapping their hands like seals and falling on their back over the ground, guffawing still.

Hansol himself is laughing really hard, and he pats Mingyu on the shoulder as if saying _thanks,_ the older is looking at him, showing off his crooked teeth as he laughs too. Even Samuel and Chan, who don't really get what's happening with these weird adults, join their laugh.

Samuel looks like he totally forgot what they were just talking about now, and Seokmin talks about that one time that Mingyu dropped Soonyoung's cake in his birthday party, and everyone laughs at the memory, even the ones who weren't there. Mingyu is about to stand up and protest, but he hits his knee against the table, and everything falls down, making a huge mess. They all laugh even more, until there's tears in their eyes and their mouths' muscles ache with the inflection.

Somewhere along the dinner, Hansol's eyes meet Seungkwan, and he sees again _the_ smile, the one he hopes is meant to him and no one else. 

 

 

The thing with parties, or at least for Hansol, is that there's always this moment where you can zone out.

Even inside a house full of people and alcohol (in this case, it wasn't _that_ much alcohol), there's always a way to dive into your own thoughts as everyone else enjoys their night. It's barely nine pm, Seokmin had pulled out a Bluetooth microphone, Samuel's eyes shining in the process. Before Hansol had a said in things, Samuel was shifting the TV onto a karaoke application he didn't know it even existed.

He had tried to sit behind in his sofa as Seokmin, Soonyoung and Seungkwan took the microphone in their control, with Samuel cheering besides them. Jihoon sat besides him, and Hansol for a moment thought that he'd tell him something, but instead, the other had laid back on the sofa and closed his eyes.

"Rough day?"

Jihoon shruged.

Minghao was in a heated discussion with Mingyu over the counter, each other flickering chips on their faces as Wonwoo stared, jumping into the conversation and making the other two laugh at whatever he said.

Now, Soonyoung is dancing and singing to Rain's Bad Guy, the other two acting as harmonizing voices and back-up dancers at the same time. Samuel is nowhere to be seen, as well as Chan and Seungcheol. Although the question's sitting at the front of his mind, he doesn't really want to ask.

"You shouldn't worry much" Jihoon suddenly says. "The party's going fine, and you're doing a great job."

"Are they always like this?" He points at the dancing trio who are surprisingly in sync.

Jihoon snorts. "More or less."

The TV shows an 85, and the song changes to Kim Bumsoo's Passing, Seokmin taking the microphone back. There's a can of beer sitting in Hansol's hand, which he doesn't really know how it got there. He pushes it against Jihoon's knee, but the other shakes his head.

"I had one already, and that's more than enough."

"What do I do with this, then?" He asks, but doesn't expect an answer.

"Go throw it if you don't want it. Or give it to Jun, he's surprisingly good with alcohol."

"Really? Jun?" It's not that he doesn't believe it, but— yeah, he doesn't, really. The other had been pretty cheery when they met, and including now, even though he hasn't clung on Hansol's side since they sat to eat, he's been quite a bubbly sunshine with everyone else.

Right now, as he turns to his left, he's playing— beer pong? with Wonwoo, Mingyu, Minghao, Chan in Seungcheol's lap and Samuel in Mingyu's. He's about to open his mouth in protest, but he sees Wonwoo serving juice in the plastic cups and he sits back.

"He's kind of the same," Jihoon comments at last, looking at the same picture as Hansol "he's weird, but he's great."

"Did you all know each other already? I thought I'd go through an awkward moment trying to introduce you to each other even though I hardly know you myself, but it looks like I'm the only one who needed to be introducted."

Over dinner, Seokmin had explained that he's Samuel's music teacher, and that Samuel was actually pretty good with guitar, a thing the infant didn't mention to him. Soonyoung had said that he teaches dance as well as some recreative classes, and that he is very competitive.

At first, he didn't understand why the older had to mention that, but now, as he sees Soonyoung dramatically dropping to his knees and fake crying with the TV showing an 96 after Seokmin's song, he kind of does.

"We all met at Mingyu's party in April. I mostly knew everyone by name, but there I finally met these three." He points at the trio. Hansol looks back, and watches the moment Seungkwan chooses Ailee's Show You in the karaoke song list. Soonyoung takes out a tambourine he swears it isn't his, or Samuel's.

The song starts slowly, Seungkwan's singing ability well shown, mingling well with the instrumental. Besides him, Seokmin sings as back-up, but Hansol can't quite see anyone past Seungkwan.

"They're really something." Jihoon snickers.

"Yeah," Hansol agrees, his eyes focusing on the way Seungkwan closes his eyes, too engrossed on the song. He doesn't miss the way he moves his arm, or how there's a vein faintly showing in his neck. "he's really something." 

 

 

It's almost an hour later when he moves out from the party, hidding himself in the comfort of his little balcony.

By now, Wonwoo and Seungcheol had sung their own batch of ballad songs, Soonyoung and Seungkwan had moved to the kitchen to freshen up and play some bingo with Samuel and Chan, even with the blasting music of Mingyu's rap song in the background.

Minghao had sat besides him and asked him about some fashion runways in NY, which Hansol didn't know much of. Jun had stepped in to say something, and, again and without meaning, Hansol had been left out of the conversation. Seungcheol had came and sat in the arm rest besides Jihoon, both talking about something that sounded too personal for Hansol to want to join.

So he decided to step out for a bit, take some fresh air and perhaps go back inside— in about ten minutes.

He's still holding onto the beer, which is now normal temperature. He drinks little sips that burn uncomfortably in his throat, but not enough to stop drinking.

He watches the indoor lights of other apartments, the orange-ish lamp posts in the little park between apartment buildings, and even those outside in the road.

In the distance, he sees more points of lights all over Seoul. He sees people walking, strolling around, and he wonders if there's someone, anyone, in Seoul, who feels as tired as him.

Behind him, the slide door opens, letting out the blasting sound of SHINee's Sherlock as Seungkwan steps out. He closes the door behind him, and they're back in the soft sound of the wind.

Seungkwan's got a plastic cup of something in his hand, and the ziper at the front of his shirt is a bit open.

"Everything okay?"

Seungkwan nods. "I should be asking you that, though."

Hansol hums, looking back again at the front, arms resting on the railing. Seungkwan mimics his position besides him.

They fall in an comfortable silence, perhaps because Seungkwan is waiting for an answer, or because he knows there won't be one and he doesn't know what to say now.

"Samuel was dancing to SHINee along with Soonyoung-hyung and Wonwoo-hyung." Seungkwan tells, laughing. "I didn't know he knows them."

"He knows a lot" Hansol agrees.

His heart is beating fast in his chest, the simple fact of Seungkwan standing besides him being nerve-wrecking enough for him.

He's the type of person that thinks a lot about things, and a lot of the time. So it isn't a surprise when one moment he's thinking about how this crush is slightly getting out of hand as he can't even look directly at Seungkwan for more than five seconds before he feels the tip of his ear reddening up, and then he's wondering about Seungkwan's past. If he'd had any boyfriends, if he even swins _that_ way, but Mingyu had told him Seungkwan was single, and Hansol might be oblivious to things sometimes, but that was definitely what he thinks it was, and—

"You're thinking so loud, Hansol." Seungkwan chuckles. "A penny for your thoughts?"

Hansol laughs quietly, sipping on his beer and thinking, _not even for a million._

"I don't want to press too much," Seungkwan sighs after another minute of silence, "but, is really everything okay?"

Hansol turns to him, and sees that Seungkwan is already looking at him, expectant. He looks sad, and Hansol is almost entirely sure it's his fault.

"I'm not asking as a teacher, if that's what you're thinking."

"I wasn't—"

"I mean, I do worry for Samuel as his teacher, because— uh, that's what I am, but— I'm— I'm asking as a friend, y'know? If that's what you'd want us to be, of course, because you don't have to befriend me if you don't want to but then why did you ask me to come and—"

"Seungkwan." Hansol interrupts, placing a hand over his.

Seungkwan is a little bit warmer than him, a little bit nervous too. Those two brown eyes he's grown to like to see are yet again looking at him, and he's lost of words. Doesn't even know what he wanted to say when he interrupted.

He doesn't say anything, doesn't move his hand away either.

Seungkwan turns his, palm up against Hansol's. In a slow and unconfident movement, he takes Hansol's hand in his own. Hansol looks down at their hands clasped together, then up at Seungkwan's unsure eyes, as if asking _is this okay?_

He smiles a little, as if saying _it's more than okay._

In the middle of everything, he wonders if he has always been this bad. Back in NY, things were always fast, with a smooth transition between what friends did and what they did not.

He's had hook ups, both girls and boys, and although he had been nervous the first time it happened with a boy, he doesn't think it's the same kind of nervous as this, with Seungkwan's hand in his. He never got the chance to confess to someone, it had always been obvious enough.

But he's not sure if this is also the case here. If Seungkwan knows what his intentions are, what is going through his mind when he looks at him.

He probably doesn't, Hansol figures, he probably will have to _actually_ do something about it, spell out the words for him, and this scares him almost as much as when Samuel is crying in the middle of the night, for no aparental reason. Even with Seungkwan's hand in his, he's scared for rejection.

"What's your favorite song?"

The older is looking straight ahead, eyes focused somewhere in the swins and the couple strolling around.

Hansol hums in thought. "I don't think I have _one_ favorite song."

Seungkwan chuckles. "Just say one"

"The Fray's Be Still." Seungkwan keeps quiet, in thought. Hansol unconsciously tugs on his hand a little as he laughs, "you don't know the song, do you?"

"Not really" Seungkwan confesses, chuckling, "what does it talk about?"

"I'll send you the lyrics later."

"No, tell me now." Hansol shakes his head, laughing, "Why? Is it hard to explain or—?"

"No, no, it's just— embarrasing." Seungkwan pouts, but doesn't protest more. "Do you have a favorite song?"

"No, I don't, but all ballads or trot work for me, or pop or—"

"Basically everything?" Hansol mocks, and Seungkwan pushes him a little, pouting.

Seungkwan tells him a little bit about his childhood, how his sisters would dress him up in one of their dresses and force him to sing. He's trying to explain it as if it was a bad memory, but Hansol can see the other cherishes it either way.

Seungkwan tells him that he's liked to sing ever since he has memory, that instead of asking his mom to sing him a lullaby, he'd sing her one until he was sleepy enough. He talks about going to the karaoke with Seokmin and Soonyoung often, losing his voice almost every time. He also talks about the kids in his class, about Samuel, and Hansol hums every time, every once in a while asking questions just to unfold another story from him.

Hansol listens. He sips on his beer until it's mostly empty, his elbow resting on the railing and his left hand still taking Seungkwan's. He doesn't think about what does that mean, about the fact that acquaintances nor friends do this with each other. He just thinks about Seungkwan doing it with him and that he feels lucky enough to not try to question it.

He likes how Seungkwan laughs with him, likes how somehow he's starting to see another side of Seungkwan, and hopes it's because the older is getting more comfortable with him.

"Seungkwan, can I ask you something?"

The other turns to look at him, and nods.

Perhaps the alcohol has gotten to him, perhaps he's finally lost it and his mouth finally functions on its own, perhaps he doesn't think about it much before doing it.

Or perhaps it's all blended together and the sight of Seungkwan laughing before him is something he like a lot, but he finally asks,

"It'd be okay if I, someday, maybe, ask you out?"

Seungkwan's expression doesn't flicker with the question, instead, he doesn't react at all, and Hansol doesn't have a clue of what that means. He's about to take the question back, to say he's kidding, that he didn't actually mean to say that, but then Seungkwan squeezes his hand, and smiles.

"Yeah, it'd be okay if you, someday, maybe, ask me out." He's mocking Hansol, but he sounds so serious, and Hansol doesn't really care that he's mocking him.

He's instead trying to not let his nervousness show, to stop his hands from sweating and his ear from getting all red that'd be too obvious even under the dim light from the lamp posts and the moon in the sky over them.

"Hansol—"

Seungkwan's voice is cut short when the sliding door opens behind them, and both of them let go of each other's hand at the same time when Soonyoung's head peeks from inside. Their little bubble has been teared apart, and though it's frustrating, he can't really blame the other.

"Guys, sorry to interrupt, but we're wrapping things up here" He says with a sore throat. He coughs. "Damn, all that singing got to me."

Seungkwan chuckles. "We'll be there in a sec,"

"Actually, I came for Hansol" Soonyoung smirks. "We can't let this party end without the host singing us a song."

"Ah," Hansol shakes his head, nervous, "I don't really sing."

"C'mon!" Soonyoung insists, "no one here really sings. Well, Seungkwan and Seokmin do, and perhaps Wonwoo would've if he didn't like Literature a lot— but, aside from them! Seungkwan, back me up here."

"If the guy doesn't want to sing, then don't make him sing" Seokmin peeks his head out behind Soonyoung, and the other punches him lightly.

Seungkwan doesn't say this or that, but Hansol sees in the glint of his eyes that he also wants Hansol to sing something, and he sighs, defeated.

"Alright." He gives in.

When he walks inside, there's not a lot of people. Wonwoo is sitting by the counter, resting his chin over his palm and almost falling asleep. Seungcheol, Jihoon and Chan are nowhere to be seen, but then Soonyoung explains that they left to their apartment just a few minutes ago.

Jun is sleeping with his head over Minghao's lap, who is sitting in the sofa scrolling through his phone. Mingyu and Samuel are still singing in the karaoke to Shark Family, both of them knowing the song by heart.

Hansol checks the hour and is surprised to see that it's almost eleven pm. How much time did they talk outside?

The song ends, and the karaoke app shows an exact 100 with exclamation marks and confetti all over the screen. Mingyu and Samuel cheer in happiness, and Hansol chuckles, receving the control from Soonyoung to change the song.

What happened next is something he never thought it would, and always hoped it wouldn't.

The day after, when he'll think about this moment in particular, he won't know how it happened so fast, how things went from one to a hundred in less than a minute, how his mostly good night turned into this nightmare.

He's not focused on Samuel. Not until after, when he's screaming and crying; when he's shrieking in Mingyu's arms and grabbing onto him for dear life, eyes popping out and hot tears streaming down his face.

It won't be until later that he'll hear what actually happened in those ten seconds he looked away from Samuel.

He'll hear that Mingyu took him into his arms and threw him up to the air, ready to catch him afterwards. He'll come to know that the movement triggered something inside Samuel he thought had been buried deep under, like a shirt hiding at the back of a drawer.

But for now, he doesn't know. He doesn't understand how his kid was smiling one moment, and the other, he was this mess he feared to see.

Even without knowing _how_ or _what_ happened, he knows what to do next. He shoves the control in Seungkwan's chest, walking up to a confused and scared Mingyu to take Samuel from him.

Jun has woken up, Minghao is sitting over the edge of the sofa, Wonwoo is standing up, ready to do something but not knowing what, just like everyone else who stay glued to their spots as Hansol takes Samuel in his arms and the infant instantly wraps his limbs around his torso, like a koala holding a tree.

He ignores the seven pair of eyes that are looking at him, and instead of getting mad at Mingyu or panic like he would've done a year before, he focuses on getting Samuel calm down. He walks towards his room and shuts the door behind him, leaving everyone on edge and even more confused than before.

 

 

It takes him half an hour to make Samuel stop clenching onto him. He's still trembling and crying, eyes red and puffy, but he must've gone tired, because instead of the loud weeps, he's sobbing silently and each time a bit less.

Hansol, sitting over the bed, comforts him the best way he can, patting and caressing his hair, whispering sweets _shh, I'm here_ into his ear and hoping that it works, just like it's been working until now.

Samuel doesn't try to say anything, just sits in Hansol's lap, hand clenching on his shirt, which is stainted in tears and snot, but that's the least of his problems right now.

The position he's in reminds him a lot to the dark period when Samuel moved in with him. When the infant asked for his mom every once in a while, making a huge fuss about it, crying and weeping like there was no tomorrow, claiming that Hansol was the worst and that he hated him. Hansol always did his best at consoling him, but every time it felt like his best would never be good enough for Samuel.

Even now, when he's confident enough to say he's the person who knows Samuel the best, he doesn't think he's doing a great job in this aspect of parenting. But it's what he knows to do, and Samuel has gotten used to his efforts, so it works, somehow.

It's just until Samuel stops crying that Seungkwan opens the door as lightly as he can. Samuel hears though, and immediately hides his face in Hansol's chest. The older looks preoccupied and wordlessly asks him if he wants a cup of water. Hansol nods, waiting for Seungkwan to walk away without closing the door, and he whispers to Samuel that everything's alright.

Samuel cleans his tears in his shirt, and with his face still shoved against his chest, he whispers, "sing to me"

"What do you want me to sing?" He asks, although he already knows the answer.

Samuel clenches on his shirt a bit harder, and Hansol hums, still petting his head. Then, he sings in a soft voice like whisper,

Be still and know that I'm with you

Be still and know that I am here

Be still and know that I'm with you

Be still, be still, and know

Seungkwan walks in silently with a plastic cup of water in his hand. Hansol takes it from him and offers it to Samuel. The infant drinks furiously then shoves the plastic cup away, and nests his head back down in his chest. Hansol's conscious that Seungkwan will hear him sing, but somehow, he doesn't really care. He continues and sings,

When darkness comes upon you

And colors you with fear and shame

Be still and know that I'm with you

And I will say your name

Seungkwan sits over the other side of the bed, staring at Samuel's back. Hansol hears him breathe each time softer, feels his tiny hand letting go of his shirt and his limbs falling like dead weight over him as the infant slowly falls asleep in his arms. Hansol locks eyes with Seungkwan, a part of him blindly thinking the older understands him and the position he's in, and with the last bit of voice he has, he sings,

If terror falls upon your bed

And sleep no longer comes

Remember all the words I said

Be still, be still, and know

 

 

 


	5. you probably couldn't see for the lights but you were staring straight at me

Hansol doesn't remember much about being in first grade.

At the time, Sofia had just been born and most of his memories are about her. Since he had just become an older brother, in the afternoons, his entire attention had been on her. If she rolled around, if she laughed, if she was hungry, if a tooth grew out of her gums, if she finally figured out how to sit down. His parents were the ones that made a fuss about it, actually, but Hansol had been there to witness it all, to pat her head and play with her when the grown ups were busy with this or that.

If he had to be completely sincere, she was kind of boring, just like any other baby. However, his father was insistent that Hansol should set the right image for her, and he was barely old enough to understand an expression like that (he was _five_ ), but he figured out that he should just keep them both out of trouble and they'd do alright.

Ever since Samuel started atenting school, he's been hearing the infant out. What they did each day, what they learned. He made sure to see Samuel do his homework too, but he never had any problems with that so he normally checked the sheets and nodded, because it all seemed so easy for him and it was all right, anyway. What else was he supposed to do?

Supposedly, he had an idea of what a first grade-r should be doing. They should be learning about addition and subtraction, counting apples, learning the Hangul, that kind of stuff.

What he didn't know, though, is that the parents would _ever_ be invited to spend a class with their children.

First, the day Seungcheol had been assigned to pick up Samuel (because they've recently fallen in the routine to switch days to pick both of their kids up), the infant had come running through the door with a piece of paper tapped to his wrist, which is kind of clever, if you ask him. It was a notice to remind him that parents have their first interactive class with their children this next Thursday.

He didn't quite get it at first, but after asking Seungcheol about it, it's something normal that everyone had to do. He said he hadn't been it Chan's first time in first grade since he had a very tight schedule in his job at the time, but Jihoon had gone and loved it completely, sure that Chan was getting properly taught.

So, okay, if it's something normal and it's not like he's going to be the only parent there, then he's not too worried.

But then the actual day arrived and he hadn't really thought about the fact that Seungkwan would be there too. It's been almost a month after the party and they hadn't speak much to each other after the that, not because Hansol was avoiding him, but because he had received a lot of projects from his company and he was getting kind of frustrated, truthfully.

Communication with the people back at NY wasn't as great as he supposed it'd be, and if he had some kind of question, he'd have to kind of resolve it on his own while he waited for an answer. Then, when the actual answer came, he had to re-do much of his progress because his supposition wasn't that right in the end. He loved his work, really, but he didn't love the breakfast to dinner days where he's sitting behind his computer screen working nonstop.

Perhaps Seungkwan had sent him one or two texts during the first weeks of that month.

Perhaps he didn't notice and answered at least five hours later _every single time_ until Seungkwan was no longer sending anything.

And now, it's ten in the morning and he's sitting in a chair that's comically way too little for a grown up butt like his, and he's half thinking about the work that's waiting for him back home and half trying to not stare much at Seungkwan as he prepared the class at the front of the classroom.

Samuel had been very excited from that very morning, telling him that he wants to show him where he works, the drawings they had hung up around the class and the cleaning tasks he had and Hansol will supposedly see. Hansol had given himself a moment to actual disconnect his mind from work and smile down at his child, knowing that a happy Samuel is always the best.

The infant is bouncing besides him, probably in excitement, probably because he sneakily ate a cookie from the cookie jar when Hansol wasn't seeing this morning. Either way, Samuel is helping him on getting his nervousness a little bit down.

"Where are your books?" He asks, leaning down to see under Samuel's desk.

"Here's my math book, and Hangul book, and my stories book, my..." Samuel explains, taking out all of his books as he talks. It's the first time he's seen some of those, so he asks.

"Do you get homework from all this?"

"Yes," Samuel nods, "But teacher Boo gives us really easy things so I finish them here."

"Oh." Hansol gives him the books back and stares at him as Samuel places them neatly back in their place.

The classroom is really colorful, if he's being honest, maybe a little too much. It's a light blue all around with a board in the back filled with cute notices and big words of encouragement under the SEPTEMBER words like _mistakes are proof that you're trying!_ or some basic phrases they'd use in the classroom like, _I have a question,_ or _please?,_ or _Good morning, good afternoon and goodnight_ or the very useful _may I go to the bathroom, please?_

His favorite, though, it's the large list of compliment's that's hanging besides the little lockers at the back. It says,

you are AMAZING.

you are IMPORTANT.

you are SPECIAL.

you are UNIQUE.

you are KIND.

you are PRECIOUS.

you are LOVED.

Something about it makes his heart go all warm and fussy, and if he were Jeonghan, he'd be crying right there and then.

If he were to compare the room with something, he'd say the sun. Or something that's also as bright and pretty as this classroom. It's like taking out of a catalogue or how any parents would describe the ideal environment for their child. Somehow, he didn't expect Seungkwan's classroom to be any less positive.

The other kids are with their own parents, everyone showing off this or that just like Samuel is explaining what they learned just before Hansol arrived, when Seungkwan finally walks to the center of room and clears his throat. All parents start shushing their children, and Hansol— well, Hansol knows Samuel will still talk either way so he covers his mouth.

Seungkwan's eyes look around the classroom and fall on Samuel and Hansol at the end and just for a moment before he's staring at no place in particular and smiling brightly.

"I'm very glad to see that everyone is here today, and I can see you are all excited for today's class. Am I right, sunray class?"

"YES!" All the kids shout, Samuel included, and Hansol has to surpress the need to laugh. They all looked like a little squadron from the army, answering to their official.

Seungkwan smiles. "For our first activity, we'll be doing some drawings and paintings!" The kids cheer in agreement, already tidying up their desks without wanting to hear more. Some parents laugh at this, others just smile. "Parents," Seungkwan calls, "This activity is to unfold their minds a little, using some creativity and give them the opportunity to have the sense of touch and vision with the colors as we start. We've practiced all the letters and writing our names out this week, so I want them to work on that too with you," Some parents hum in agreement and, "kids! Today we're all going to be writing our names down, but remember, do it in the more unique way!"

Hansol expected to just stare at Samuel deal with the paint colors and paint brushes, but when Seungkwan walks to their desk as he's giving everyone a cup with some water to wash the brushes, he chuckles at him.

"This is a two people activity." Seungkwan explains.

Seungkwan today chose a lighter outfit with some jeans and a bright yellow shirt. It looks like he didn't spend much time with his hair, but he doesn't look any less handsome than any other day, which is why it takes Hansol at least three long seconds to understand what the teacher is saying.

"Oh" He simply says at the end, and Seungkwan chuckles again.

As he passes by their desk, he slightly presses his palm over Hansol's shoulders. It's barely for a second, you could easily miss it and being someone else, Hansol wouldn't give it much importance. But because it's Seungkwan and because the last time they saw each other had been that night when Seungkwan slept in his couch, he's nervous.

After Samuel had finally fallen asleep, it took Hansol a little over an hour to finally let him be on his own over his bed. When he walked out of his room, everyone had been gone and the only remaining person had been Seungkwan, who was cleaning up the kitchen.

Hansol had protested, saying that he didn't have to. But Seungkwan had answered _but I want to_ and all further protest had died in his throat. They spent the next hours in his living room, cleaning and drinking (coke because Hansol didn't want to get any close to the remaining beers) until their limbs ached. Seungkwan had told him that Mingyu had reluctantly left feeling all guilty for what happened, but Hansol reassured to Seungkwan (and the day after he'd do it to Mingyu) that it wasn't. Hansol doesn't have the tendency to toss Samuel around playfully, and had he known he would get like that, he would've told Mingyu beforehand and avoid this whole mess.

Truthfully, he had had some problems like that before, but it had been in the first year they lived together, and Hansol figured it had only been the infant getting used to the change of setting. They're in the third year now, and Hansol doesn't want to admit he's got a little problem to deal with, not even when Seungkwan tells him that himself. He brushes it off with the excuse that he'll see how Samuel would wake up the morning after (who actually woke up quite cheerfully, asking for pancakes).

They talked most of the night, Seungkwan sharing some issues he has had with his students the previous years as well as when he was a teenager and babysitting to earn money back in Jeju. He talked and talked, and Hansol didn't even notice it was almost two am until Seungkwan pointed it out, as he was really engrossed in whatever Seungkwan would tell him. He doesn't know how Seungkwan's family look like— hell, he doesn't even know how Jeju looks like exactly, but by everything he's heard, he can almost picture a teenager version of Seungkwan in his head, fighting his sisters and spending much of his afternoons out with his friends.

(He almost regrets not knowing the other at that age and wonders what would it had been if he did)

At two and a half am, Seungkwan had yawned for the nth time Hansol had finally convinced him to sleep over, since he wouldn't let him leave at that hour anyway. He had given Seungkwan a blanket and ~~his~~  a pillow before saying goodnight and calling it a day.

The next morning, though, Seungkwan had been gone before Hansol woke up.

And that had been it. He had a few messages from Seungkwan, but he hadn't done the best job to reply to them.

He doesn't know what he expected from Seungkwan today, probably nothing at all, but squeeze in his shoulder that almost felt— what? reassuring? that wasn't it.

He soon forgets about it, though, and moves his attention back to Samuel who's mixing up yellow and blue to have some green.

"So, what do we have to do?" He asks, and this makes Samuel titter.

"Weren't you paying attention, Chwe?" He scolds, "we have to draw our names"

"That's it?"

"But it has to be _creativetitately_ "

"Creatively" He corrects.

Samuel frowns, but keeps mixing up colors. "Wasn't that what I said?"

Hansol laughs, then rolls up his sleeves to not get them dirty. Instead of starting straight up with the colors, he picks a pencil from Samuel's pencil case. He's just about to start with the _H_ when Samuel calls on him.

"What are you doing?"

"Drawing my name?"

"But the pencil has no colors, Chwe"

"I'm just making the sketch first"

Samuel sighs, and says something under his breath that sounds like _aigoo_ for which Hansol simply loses it for a bit, laughing a bit too loud. This draws a smile in Samuel's cute little face, and Hansol pinches him a cheek.

"Write your other name" Samuel requests, "The one grandma uses for you"

Hansol frowns. "Vernon?"

" _Vernonie_ " The infant says, pulling off his best girl voice he's got, earning a slight shove and another pinch on the cheek from Hansol.

"Alright," he says, and is about to start onto his drawing with the pencil again, but decides otherwise when he sees that almost everyone's already halfway theirs, Samuel included, finishing up the _mu_ with a shiny light blue and purple spots all over it. It reminds him a little of Sully from Monster's Inc, which he's sure he's heard the movie on the background as he worked this past week.

It's a little bit embarrassing to admit that it takes him almost two entire minutes to come up with something good, when he studied Graphic Design and he's almost being paid for being creative. He actually did a lot of physical paintings and designs back in college (and he'd humbly agree that he was good at it), but it's been years since that and nowadays he's done a lot of website designs, since everyone wants similar things: simple and easy to understand. He hardly has to overwork his brain for the simple matters, and— it all sounds like an excuse in his head because he's just got to write his name for god's sake.

He decides on painting his name down like they're accumulated drops from the rain over an umbrella. He focuses on the outlines of his name first and then goes and paints the background red with black lines, trying to calculate the best angle for the umbrella. He then fills his name with different shades of blues and whites, making sure to add some drops across the piece of paper.

It's not his best work, but it's not that bad either, if he's got to admit it. He looks besides him and actually is surprised with Samuel's drawing. The _Sa_ is orange with red spots with little eyes and snake-like tongues, the _mu_ has, like Hansol thought, the same pattern like Sully and the _el_ is inside the frame of an opened door. The letters are a little sloppy and the door isn't that great either, but in Hansol's eyes, Samuel's drawing is way better than his.

"Time's up!" Seungkwan calls from the front of the class. "Now, who wants to come up to the front and show us their drawing?"

A few children muster up the courage to raise their hands, and Hansol peaks at their drawings from his chair, scoffing lightly. This isn't a competition, he knows, but if it were, he _also_ knows Samuel's would've taken the 1st place with no doubt. And he's not being bias, okay? The first kid that walks to the front drew his _Minju_ in a cloudy font, and yes, it's cute, but Samuel's literally has some letters behind a door!

When Seungkwan picks Samuel and the infant is making his way to the front, Hansol can't stop himself from cheering loudly. Samuel eyes him with anger, embarrassed. Hansol would almost feel bad for him if he weren't so damn proud of him.

Without noticing, Seungkwan makes his way to the back of the class as Samuel explains his drawing. Hansol only notices his presence when the teacher says behind him, "very good Samuel, everyone, let's clap!"

He can almost say he feels the moment Seungkwan leans over his shoulder to see his drawing, and, yes, that's indeed what's happening because he hears the other say, "Vernon?"

"That's— uh, my english name" He explains, looking back at the other.

Seungkwan straightens up and looks at Hansol with a pair of eyes he can't quite decipher. He's just looking at him one moment, then the other he's saying, "okay" with a smile far too little to look sincere (and Hansol has the confidence to say when Seungkwan's smiling sincerely). He's then walking away before Hansol has anything to say, and he picks another student to go to the front with his dalmatian pattern in his name.

It's cute, but Hansol suddenly can't focus much on anything else but Seungkwan, who's plainly ignoring him, or that's what he thinks.

 

 

After that, they sing a song all together and make up a story in some kind of roll paper. Hansol doesn't really pay attention until Samuel's asking his opinion for this or that. He nods absently, laughing only when Samuel does and talking when he should. It bugs him a little that Seungkwan doesn't come anywhere near Samuel's desk after that, but the infant doesn't seem to notice anything different in their teacher when Hansol (stupidly) asks him, so maybe it's all in his head.

It's almost recess time when Seungkwan announces that everyone (the kids) have to show their drawings to their parents. All kids look flustered yet doing what their teacher is asking for. Hansol stares at Samuel look for his drawing in his desk, pretending to not find it for quite some time until almost everyone in the class is almost finished with theirs.

"Want me to help you?"

Samuel shakes his head and sighs. He opens the notebook that's sitting on top of the pile of books and easily enough finds the piece of paper he's been pretending to look for. He shoves the paper in Hansol's chest and runs out of the room, coincidentially when Seungkwan is announcing that it's recess time.

He unfolds the piece of paper, confused but mostly intrigued. On top of the paper, it says _Family._ Under it, there are two people drawn in the middle, standing up over a thin green line that was supposed to be the grass. One of the two people is much more taller than the other one, and Hansol recognizes such person as himself when he sees the little _C_ written over his head, and the child's that holding his hand has an _S_ over his.

It's an understatement to say that he's having some mix feelings.

He's obviously happy to see that Samuel sees him as his most important member of the family, being the only person he drew. But this is double-edged sword, because then again Hansol wonders why is it that Samuel didn't draw his grandparents… or his mother.

Perhaps he's thinking too much into things, Samuel's mind is much more simple than his, he's a five year old for god's sake. Of course he won't overthink things when he's asked to draw his family. He's been living alone with Hansol the past years, it's been the two of them for quite a long time, so it's only logical.

But he doesn't need to be a genius to spot the problem here. The one that he swore to himself that he wouldn't make and somehow he forgot, it slipped through his fingers and this is the proof. He swore to himself that Samuel wouldn't forget his mother, that even though he hardly remembers her and there's too few pictures Hansol took with himself to Korea, he promised he wouldn't let Samuel forget who she was.

He can only blame himself for this, and can't help but feel bittersweet with his drawing.

"All good?"

Hansol looks up from the drawing to see that everyone has left now, including the parents. Seungkwan's leaning against his desk, on the other side of the classroom. His arms are folded over his chest and he's looking down at Hansol, yet again with the same eyes as before.

He can't help it but chuckle drily, not sure what would be the right answer.

"Yeah" he lies though, perhaps out of habit. "All good here"

It's kind of uncomfortable. You would think that they've known each other enough to not have this kind of moment where Hansol wouldn't know what to say, or if he's even allowed to say something. His mind has been playing with himself all day long, and he can almost swear Seungkwan doesn't feel glad that he's still there.

So he makes the logical decision and walks right to the exit without saying anything else.

But, surprisingly enough (and this wouldn't surprise him any other day), Seungkwan calls after him just when he reaches the door.

"I feel like I'm being unfair to you" The older confesses.

Hansol turns back and frowns. Seungkwan hasn't done anything wrong, so he doesn't understand where this is coming from.

"Would you mind to elaborate?" He asks, and Seungkwan chuckles, sighing.

"I didn't know you had another name" He says then, scratching the back of his head. "And the first thing I do is to get mad at you."

"You—?"

"But it's stupid to get mad at you, because we're only friends and it's not like you're forced to tell me everything about you, and I do know some deep things about you, but not some others as simple as your other name so for a moment I thought that maybe I'm giving more than I'm receiving but that doesn't make sense and—"

"Seungkwan," Hansol interrupts, laughing lightly, "I'm a bit confused."

Seungkwan sighs, and covers his face with both hands. Hansol wonders how is it that he fucked it up something he doesn't understand.

"I'm sorry if—"

"—when are you going to ask me out, Vernon?" Seungkwan asks, dead serious, looking at Hansol as if he were scolding him.

Hansol is taken aback. One, if he were a child, he'd probably be crying and asking for forgiveness because Seungkwan is _really_ serious right now. Two, it's the first time he's said his english name with confidence, and it's not quite like people say it back in the States. There's no _r_ and the sound of the _e_ sounds a bit more like a high _o,_ but that's the korean way to say his name so it's fine. It's more than fine, actually. It's fine to the point that he's feeling his cheeks heating up by the second and his heart feels all warm, he kind of wants to hear him say it again, in all honesty.

Then, three, Seungkwan asked what?

"When— I— what?"

"When are _you_ going to ask _me_ out?" Seungkwan repeats, emphasizing the pronouns. He sounds a bit desperate, as if he had been waiting for that these past few weeks and he's tired of Hansol's silent treatment. But it can't be that, right? Seungkwan surely has more important things to do than worry about him, right?

"I— I didn't know you wanted me to—" He starts, all flustered still, and Seungkwan scoffs as if he can't believe it.

"You should really thank the fact that you're cute or I would've been done with you by last month"

Hansol smirks a little, walking toward Seungkwan, just a bit.

"You think I'm cute?"

Seungkwan gapes, suddenly embarrassed. His cheeks are turning a shade of pink. "Is that all you heard?"

"No, but that was the highlight for sure" Hansol mocks, and he doesn't know where does he get the confidence to do so. Seungkwan was so serious just a minute ago.

He's laughing now, but it's more of a laugh as if he can't believe Hansol. "I can't believe you," Yep.

Seungkwan's turning to his desk, and Hansol rushes to his side, drawing on hand, but he suddenly can't remember anything about that. Not even the (figuratively speaking) pile of work that's waiting for him back at his apartment.

"I'm sorry, okay?" He says, turning the other around so he can see him when he adds, "I really am. It's been one hell of a month—"

"I don't like excuses" Seungkwan interrupts.

"—and I'm going to stop saying them, but believe me when I say that I wanted to do this before."

Seungkwan squints his eyes. "Do what?"

Now'd be a perfect moment to kiss him, Hansol figures. He's less than a foot away from Seungkwan, their bodies almost touching but he _really_ doesn't think it'd be good to be bold like that. Doesn't think he'd like in the future to come back to this moment and remember it as the one where he kissed him for the first time. He thinks Seungkwan deserves something better than that, something less spontaneous. For once, he thinks, he should prepare something instead of letting things work on their own in the end.

So instead of kissing him (but oh, he so wants to), he intertwines his hand with Seungkwan's, and sees the other open his eyes like two big plates, looking down at their connected hands. Hansol does make the bold move to get even more closer, and ask in an almost whisper,

"Would you like to go out with me?"

Seungkwan chuckles, and Hansol thinks he again understands that laugh, that gaze.

"When?" Seungkwan asks then.

"This weekend?"

The other giggles. "This weekend's Chuseok week, Hansol. I have to go back to Jeju."

"Oh." The grip in their hands falters a bit, but Seungkwan takes his with more force.

"What about next weekend?" Seungkwan proposes. "Is that okay?"

Hansol smiles again, and nods. "It's perfect."

 

 

"It's far from perfect!" Hansol groans, hands in his hair, ready to pull it all off. He's frustrated, he's tired, he's simply _done._

Joshua, who is currently Skype-ing with him, frowns from the computer monitor. It's a Friday night and thank god that Joshua has always been a night owl, 'cause tonight's one of those nights where Hansol wants to flip the table in exasperation.

"It looks fine by me" Joshua answers and Hansol feels like screaming. He can't though, because Samuel just went to sleep thinking Hansol's sleeping besides him and if he wakes up with no Hansol besides him— well, it's just not a pretty picture.

"How can it be fine?!" Hansol whisper screams, "it's a whole mess! This website is the worst thing I've ever seen in my life! Look at the coding! It's just— it's garbage! Who can even fuck it up this bad?!"

Joshua giggles all across the Pacific Ocean.

"Well, I remember that one time in college—"

"Shut up." Hansol sighs, half chuckling. He's still mad, boiling water in his insides. But Joshua's lowering the flame, and he's still frustrated, but it's bearable now. "I forgot we were in college together."

Joshua laughs, and this only makes him smile, sincerely.

" _How can someone like coding_ " Joshua mocks him.

"I did not—"

"You totally sounded like that, dude"

"Okay," he sighs, signs of laugh washing away. "But you have to agree that this is _really bad_ coming from someone that supposedly knows how to code. We were learning in college, it's understandable then, but now?!"

They're sharing Hansol's screen and Joshua can see everything in his monitor. He's sharing him the mess of a project his company left him. It's really the worst thing he's ever seen, doesn't matter how much Joshua'd like to sugarcoat it, it's _shit._

Hansol's company has fallen into the routine to give him the hardest and most tedious projects just because he's on the other side of the world and there's not really a right way to complain through e-mail and feel satisfied. He's tried a few times but he always figures it's easier to suck it up and just get done with it. Tonight, though, he's done with sucking (this would've been perfect for a pun but he's too tired to think of one).

"I could help you out," Joshua offers, and Hansol shakes his head.

"No, hyung, I didn't call you so I can share my awful work with you."

Joshua giggles. "Then why'd you call me?"

"To vent" Hansol sighs. "And to speak some English for a change. I'm a little _language_ sick."

"Did you just change homesick for—"

"Don't judge me, it's a thing."

Joshua laughs so hard he falls from his chair, and Hansol can only snort and cover his laugh with his hands as he sees the whole thing from his monitor. He moves the Skype application to a new desktop and closes their message tab, larging the camera.

"You okay?" He asks, no worry in his tone. He knows the other's good.

Joshua stands up, arranging the chair again and rubbing the back of his head. Even from Korea, Hansol can see how red his cheeks just got out of embarrassement.

"It was totally worth it" Joshua laughs lightly.

"Where's Jeonghan-hyung?" He asks, suddenly remembering the other. "Aren't you scared he's gonna get up?"

"Nah," Joshua waves it off, "he's still up, in the kitchen, actually."

Hansol frowns. "What's he doing?"

"Stuff."

He's about to press more into it, but a notification pops in his monitor. It's a text message. From Seungkwan. And Joshua can see it too. They're both silent as they read the _I'm so bored pls entertain me_ along with the five sad emojis Seungkwan cared to add.

"Oh?" Is all Joshua says. There's a lot of things implicated in that vowel but Joshua is a man of few words and lots of meanings.

Hansol's all red before he repeats, "shut up," Joshua giggles. "and please don't say anything to hyung"

The older hums.

"But tell me, how have things been going?"

Joshua leans on one arm rest, chin over his closed fist, looking right at Hansol with a know-it-all expression.

"They've been going."

"And?"

"And what?" Hansol asks. Joshua doesn't answer, just stares. "What do you want me to say, dude?" No answer. "Do you want me to say that we have a date, is that it?" Joshua widens his eyes, but doesn't verbally answers, not yet. "It's next weekend, okay?! But really don't you dare say anything to—"

"To who, Vernonie?" Jeonghan asks, coming into frame. Hansol can only sigh. Joshua's having the time of his life, laughing. "Were you really going to keep this information from me?" He sounds honestly offended.

"How much did you hear?" He asks behind his hands.

"Ever since Shua fell" He confesses, sitting over the arm rest. "Now, elaborate."

"Not gonna, bye."

He moves the cursor over the red button that'd end the call but—

"Chwe Vernon Hansol!" Jeonghan screams, "If you hang up I swear to god—"

He doesn't have time to hear the end of the sentence because he _accidentally_ (it was, okay, shut up) clicked on the button. Well, it was probably for the best. He opens the Message app and goes into Seungkwan's chat. He won't ever admit that he feels all fussy and like a high school boy with a pending message of the person he likes, but perhaps that's what happening.

_From Seungkwan: I'm so bored pls entertain me_

_To Seungkwan: I'm bored too, with lots of work_

Too bad he's so bad at this.

_From Seungkwan: Oh, sorry, I won't bother u_

_To Seungkwan: No, it's ok_

_To Seungkwan: I'm a little fed up and would use the break_

A new notification pops up.

_From Shua-hyung: you're in so much trouble_

Hansol scoffs.

_To Shua-hyung: hes not my dad_

_To Shua-hyung: pls dont show this to him_

Another notification pops up, but it's not from Seungkwan.

_From Mingyu: bro u got milk we're out of ours_

He frowns.

_To Mingyu: why do u want milk its eleven pm_

_From Mingyu: cereal is an every ocassion meal_

_From Mingyu: so do u have or not_

_To Mingyu: yes lol_

_From Mingyu: omw_

Another pop up. Why is he so popular at this hour?

_From Jeonghan-hyung: :)_

He _really_ gets goosebumps. He doesn't answer though, just closes the chat and pretends he never saw that.

He's got a new message from Joshua, but before he can open the chat, there's another notification along with his ringtone coming from his monitor as well as from his cellphone that's sitting just besides the keyboard. It reads, _call from Seungkwan._

There's a knock on the door. Mingyu.

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well they've finally made some progress lol yay them (and me) next chap is going to be quite something :) comments are always appreciated! (and i didnt spell check this bye)


	6. pretty visitors

He's gotta act fast, that's the first thing he knows.

The second thing he knows is that he can't _not_ answer Seungkwan's call.

He's quick to press the green button in the screen and before Seungkwan's got time to say anything at all, he's saying "can you give me a moment?"

Seungkwan stutters. "Uh— yes, is everything okay?"

"Yeah," Hansol laughs, nervous, "everything's good it's just, uh—" He's in the kitchen already, opening his refrigerator and looking for his milk when he hears the knock on his door again, and the hurried voice of Mingyu saying _it's cold out here_ or _i'm old can you hear?_ he's not really sure, but either way, he's complaining.

It'd be embarrassing to tell Seungkwan that he's hurried up because his neighbor is demanding for milk outside, and he doesn't want to say it but then Seungkwan asks, "Hansol?" in a worried tone, and he's got nothing else but say it.

"Mingyu's outside my door, he wants milk."

Seungkwan keeps quiet after that and he doesn't know what kind of reaction he's supposed to expect but— now Seungkwan's laughing and that seems fitting enough.

"That sounds like Mingyu." Seungkwan says, and Hansol laughs. "It's okay, take your time"

Mingyu knocks again and Hansol's fingers are slightly _too_ nervous when he's trying to mute the call with Seungkwan as he walks to the door and opens it, finding a very tall and very cute Mingyu standing outside with his pajamas. His _Pororo_ pajamas.

Hansol plainly stares at the image before him, and Mingyu groans loudly.

"What took you so long?" Mingyu asks at the same time as Hansol asks with a stupid grin, "Why Pororo?"

Mingyu frowns. "Why _not_ Pororo? Who doesn't have Pororo pajamas?"

"Uh, Samuel doesn't." Hansol snorts.

Mingyu gasps like he just kicked his dog. "What are you doing with your kid?"

"Here" He shoves the milk in Mingyu's chest, suddenly remember that he's still holding his phone with Seungkwan waiting in the line.

"Wait a moment—" Mingyu says, and stops the closing door with his free hand. He looks down at the cellphone and asks, "who are you talking wi— oh. Seungkwan?"

Hansol hides his phone behind him, as if that'd be enough to suddenly make Mingyu forget what he just saw. Which doesn't happen, of course.

"Why are you talking with Seungkwan so late?" Mingyu asks, suddenly entertained.

"He called. And I answered."

Mingyu snorts. "Yeah, I know the basics of calling."

"Well, is it a crime?" Hansol asks, trying to push Mingyu back so he can close the door but it doesn't seem like it'll happen anytime soon.

"It's just weird, I didn't know you guys were that type of friends who called each other at night. Unless..."

"Unless?"

"You're not that type of _friends_ " Mingyu smirks, as if he got the whole thing sorted out. "Are you friends like that, Hansol?"

Hansol huffs, once and twice. Mingyu's simply messing with him and Hansol doesn't feel comfortable in this position, wanting to label his relation with Seungkwan when they're suddenly in limbo, not here but not there yet. Not friends but not… _that,_ either.

"We're whatever we want to be!" Hansol replies and it sounds lame and Mingyu makes sure to laugh as Hansol finally shoves him out of his apartment, but a few inches before he's able to close the door, Mingyu yanks it open again. "What?!" He screams in a whisper, because he's well aware of the hour and the sleeping child he's got inside.

"Just one thing," Mingyu smirks and says, "you didn't mute the call." before he's closing the door himself, leaving a dazed Hansol on the other side of the door.

He's looking down at the phone, and yes, indeed, Seungkwan just heard all that.

He covers the loud sigh slash moan in pain with his hand, mind running a thousand miles per second, trying to think about something, _anything_ to say after that. Doesn't know how to acknowledge it and he doesn't really want to, but it'll be ten times more worst if Seungkwan's the one that'd bring it up 'cause he'd be lost in words.

Well, if he thinks about it, it's not like he said anything that wasn't true, right? Neither did he confess anything.

"Hansol?" Seungkwan's voice is soft and tiny, since it's coming from the phone that's still in his hand. It weights heavy, and Hansol's coward side wants to drop it like it's a granade.

"Yeah, sorry" He laughs, nervous. "I was just making sure I locked the door."

"It's okay." Seungkwan replies, and just before Hansol's able to change the conversation, he says, "It's okay if you don't want to tell people yet."

"W—what?"

"I really mean it, Hansol. It's not in the I'm saying one thing but I actually mean the opposite kind of thing. I don't want to tell anyone either, not until we figure it out. Together."

And just like that, Hansol feels like a huge weight has been lifted from his chest. He sighs loudly, and it's a a relieved one, because he's uncounsciously been really tensed from the moment Mingyu knocked on his door.

He doesn't want to place Seungkwan in an uncomfortable situation by saying something he shouldn't or pushing him to label something they're not sure what they are. Hansol wants to go slow with this, because it's not that he's just seeing where things are going with just some _dude,_ it's Samuel's teacher. It's the first boy who caught his attention and knows the most about him in the whole country, although that's just reaching a bit because he hasn't said much about himself to many people, not even him. And it's not like Hansol means to not say much, it's just a bad habit, no one has taken much interest in him like this before. 

Thing is though, Hansol hasn't tried anything with anyone ever since Samuel came into his life, fully knowing that being a parent would cut short his love life. And he's not really complaining here, he would never give up the five year old to go back to his previous life style. He likes where he is, and it'd be nice to find someone that's okay with that, and if he doesn't find anyone, well, he can always adopt a dog, right?

Which is why Seungkwan means more this time around. He's not just someone Hansol likes, he's someone that knows where Hansol is standing and is willing to try things with him still. It's only logical that Hansol's quite anxious, wanting to avoid any screw up from his part.

"That's good," He answers, and he must sound really relieved because Seungkwan is giggling in response.

"You good now?"

"Yeah, I'm good now. But, uh— tell me, what were you doing before calling me?"

Seungkwan sighs from the other side of the line, and it sounds like he's falling down onto the bed, 'cause he sounds ten times more tired. "I was making my suitcase. I fly to Jeju in the morning."

"Oh, already?"

"Yeah, my mom wants me to be there as soon as possible. Enjoy the entire holiday with the family, _yanno_? I just forgot how tiring, and mostly _boring_ making a suitcase is."

Hansol laughs, sitting down on his couch. "Did you finish at least?"

"Yeap," Seungkwan pops. "What are you going to do during Chuseok?"

Hansol hums, thoughtful. "I don't really have anything planned, actually. Because we have Thanksgiving too, my dad mixed it up with Chuseok in November instead, so I don't have much memories about celebraring Chuseok properly. Samuel has never celebrated it, actually."

"That's kind of sad." Seungkwan comments, but sounds playful. Hansol doesn't think anything bad by it. "We talked about it in class during this week, so I can assure you that he already knows what it is about, at least."

Hansol laughs. "Yeah, we're probably going to end up buying some stuff for it. He doesn't own a Hanbok, so I'll probably get him one."

"Do you have one?"

"Nope" He laughs. "But aren't I too old for that?"

Seungkwan gasps, "Hansol—"

"Okay, yes, I just heard it too" Seungkwan laughs hard through the line and Hansol has to cover up his, because, y'know, Samuel's still sleeping and it's still eleven pm. "I'll buy one for myself too, I guess."

"Get one in blue."

"Why?"

Hansol can hear Seungkwan's breath through the line before saying, "Because mine's blue."

He doesn't need more convincing than that.

 

 

They end up talking for about an hour before Hansol's yawns are too obvious and Seungkwan laughs endlessly through the line. He hears Seungkwan out talk about his family back in Jeju, how they always gather around with his entire family, grandparents and cousins included. It's a huge thing and apparently quite embarrassing because Seungkwan will never stop being that nephew, grandson and cousin that everyone sees like he's three years old again, huge eyes and chubby apple cheeks, and dressed in nothing else but his diapers.

Hansol laughs, because for some odd reason, he can picture it too.

He doesn't have some good old stories about himself like Seungkwan does. He didn't see his cousins much, from either family. He remembers one Thanksgiving spent in his friend's house because his parents were fighting for some reason Hansol didn't bother to remember. The memory is not really pleasant to share, so he keeps it to himself instead.  
  
All the other memories are mundant enough that he doesn't remember them either, but when he shares some small things like how once he helped out his dad to kill the turkey or that they always tuned the same channel after dinner and had some good quality time as a family, Seungkwan says that it's so cool.

"What's so cool about that?" He laughs, perhaps Seungkwan has a different meaning for the word _cool._

"You probably won't see it the way I do, but just the fact that it's a different tradition is cool for me. I've never killed anything in my life and I really thank my dad for that," he laughs, "but it must've been cool. Didn't you enjoy it then?"

"I guess." Hansol chuckles. "When I was around fourteen, I had my hair quite long, like, almost touching the neck. Sofia was, uh, nine, probably, and she got this braid maker thing for her birthday, so she spent that Thanksgiving braiding my hair nonstop."

Seungkwan gasps. "I really can't picture that, please tell me you have a picture of that."

"I dunno, maybe" Hansol laughs, "but back home. I didn't bring any photo albums with me"

"Well that's a bummer," Seungkwan grumbles, but sounds gloomy still. "I'll have to bother you with something else then." Hansol wants to say that he won't show him anything embarrassing of himself, but he knows he'd be lying.

He's got a stupid smile in his face, and he's thankful that he's all alone at this time of the night.

"It's really late," Seungkwan says now, and it's like he expects something from Hansol.

He just hums.

"It really is" Seungkwan repeats.

"It is." Hansol agrees. It is not. Barely one am.

"Why don't you want to say it?" Seungkwan giggles.

"Say what?" Hansol feigns ignorance. _That we should hang up,_ Seungkwan means.

"Whatever, my flight is in six hours and that only means that I have four hours of sleep, if lucky. I'm gonna do it if you won't." Seungkwan answers with a confident voice, and Hansol panics (just for a slight second).

"No! Wait!" He whisper yells, and Seungkwans hums in question. "Can you just… stay for one more second?"

"And talk about what?"

"We don't have to talk" Hansol answers, zero confidence in his voice. He's getting red, and he's glad Seungkwan can't see him like this. "Just… a little bit more."

He can't see Seungkwan either, but he can imagine the smile the other has when he says, "okay."  
  
They stay like that for what could be one minute or one hour. It's kind of stupid, but he likes the sound of Seungkwan's breathing across the line. He knows Seungkwan's lying down, he's been hearing in his voice the same tired tone he's got himself, but for some strange reason, he's against the idea of letting go. Hansol doesn't know how to hang up, mostly because he doesn't want to, doesn't matter how much his body is begging him to.

After some seconds, or probably minutes, Hansol's a bit too sleepy himself, and Seungkwan whispers, "Goodnight, Hansol" and hangs up, not expecting an answer in return. Hansol lifts his phone and looks at the one hour fourty minutes called they had, smiling through his routine as he prepares for bed.

Samuel curls into his chest the moment he lies down, and he kisses the top of his head before closing his eyes, Seungkwan's smile tattooed behind his eyelids.

 

 

He's eating his attempt of spaguetti (it didn't turn out bad actually, just burnt the sauce a bit), and Samuel, who is very dirty with sauce all overhimself, is sitting across the table when someone knocks on his door. He's introduced Samuel to training chopsticks the previous week and though he everyday makes the effort to convince him to give them a try, the infant gives up after a few minutes, choosing to use his bare hands instead. Today too, Hansol tried, and failed.

Samuel tries to go down the chair and open the door himself, but Hansol stops him before he can clean his hands over his used-to-be-white shirt, _again._

"No standing up from the tablen when we're eating." He reminds Samuel as he stands up. The infant gapes.

"But you're standing up!"

"Because I'm the adult." Hansol replies and shows off his tongue, mocking him.

He laughs as he opens the door, Samuel's dramatic screams coming from the kitchen. When the door is completely open, he registers the two familiar people standing outside.

Joshua and Jeonghan. The latter's smiling.

He shuts the door.

"Vernon!" Jeonghan screams from outside. A second later, Samuel's up and out of the kitchen, startled.

"Hannie uncle?" Samuel asks to a confused Hansol. He sighs, the little energy he managed to accumulate slowly leaving him, and nods. Samuel runs down the corridor and tries to open the door himself, "Open up! Come on!"

When the door finally gives in (with Hansol's help, of course), Samuel does a high-pitch scream that surely's got the whole floor startled. Good thing Wonwoo and Mingyu left to Wonwoo's parents' house that morning or he'd have a very curious Mingyu coming out of his apartment right about now. Jeonghan wraps Samuel in a bear hug, Joshua looking at the infant with two hearts coming out of his eyes.

"I missed you so much, baby" Jeonghan exclaims, inhaling on Samuel.

"Stop smelling my kid" Hansol frowns, but he's mostly amused and feeling pretty happy, even if he's not showing it right now.

They must've prepared this in secret to give them a nice surprise, and it totally happened. Hansol's still with his greasy hair pointing at every direction since he didn't bother on taking a bath because he wasn't expecting any visitors and say less his two best friends… who apparently have their lugagge still.

"You can't stop me" Jeonghan laughs, "it's really addicting."

Joshua steps inside and greets Hansol with a half hug, just like dudes do it. He has to admit he's got a peculiar friendship with the older. Joshua is that older brother he never had and always wanted, a tranquile conversation about the weather can turn into their deepest secrets in matter of seconds. But it's set on its own and Hansol wouldn't have it any other way.  
  
Surprisingly, they're quite awkward with intended physical affection when it comes with each other.

Jeonghan sets Samuel down so he can greet Joshua properly, and Hansol's expecting a hug too, like how Jeonghan always greet him. What he gets instead is a smack on the back of his head and a flick on his forehead.

"Ouch! Stop! Why am I getting bullied?"

"Harder!" Samuel cheers from Joshua's arms.

"The smack is for never calling _me_ and always Jisoo, and the flick is for hanging up last night."

"I always end up talking with you when I call Joshua, what's the problem with who I call?" Hansol pouts uncounsciously.

"Because your purpose is always to speak with him, not me. That can be hurtful, Vernon." Jeonghan frowns, and he sounds sincerely hurt.

He sighs. "A'right. I'm sorry." The other smiles and pats his back, "now, why are you here? This is so sudden"

"Oh well, we've been wanting a vacation for quite some time and I've got a lot of accumulated days so we said what the hell? Chuseok was around the corner and our favorite nephew in Korea, why don't we pay him a visit?" Joshua smiles.

"Oh, so you came to see _him?_ " He points at Samuel with his chin.

"Of course!" Jeonghan assures and laughs when Hansol huffs. Samuel smiles and bounces on Joshua's arms like it's the best thing in the world.

Hansol knows they're only kidding, or so he hopes. "How long are you staying?"

"Two weeks" Joshua informs, setting Samuel down. "We want to do some tourism and all that."

Hansol snorts. "But Jeonghan's originally from here and you've been to Seoul an infinite amount of times."

Joshua shrugs. "We're not staying that long so it's still consider a vacation."

"And where are you staying?"

"With you." Jeonghan says.

He freezes and waits for the afterlaugh that never comes. His two friends stare at him with poker faces, and it takes him a few seconds to understand that they're being completely serious.

"Excuse me?" He asks at the same time as Samuel cheers, "Hooray!"

Jeonghan takes his and Joshua's luggage, walking inside as if it were his own home, "I knew you'd like it."

He gapes, looking at the older setting his stuff in, and Joshua chuckles.

"Please tell me this is a joke"

"I told you not to tell him you had a spare room."

"It's Samuel's room!"

"And he doesn't use it so—"

"Spare room!" Jeonghan cheers from the living room.

Hansol sighs. These are going to be two long weeks.

 

 

Jeonghan forces Hansol to take a shower, telling him that they'll have a very busy day with their tight schedule of things he's already prepared for the four of them. Hansol asks him if aren't they jetlagged, and Joshua informs him that they both slept through the entire flight so they're very well rested.

He's rubbing shampoo over his head when he hears bursting through the door some pop song he's heard too much for his own liking yet he never cared to remember its name, and he wonders if its Joshua or Jeonghan's doing. One would say Jeonghan's the one who enjoys annoying him, but Joshua has a long history of his own.

They walk through Itaewon later that day because Jeonghan claims to not remember how it was yet he moves like he's got the map written over his palm. Hansol doesn't complain much, he's actually mostly relieved to have them both here. He wasn't planning anything special for Chuseok and spending some time with two of the most important people in his life is quite nice. ^  
They eat ice cream and take funny pictures, Samuel sitting on Joshua's shoulders and Jeonghan pulling Hansol in for a hug in every chance he's got, pinching his cheeks or exclaiming dramatically how cute he is. Joshua laughs, delighted.

Jeonghan brightens ten times more than he already was when Hansol tells him that he doesn't own a hanbok for him nor Samuel, and proceeds on taking them to the best store's in the entirety of Seoul. Hansol's isn't surprised when the clerk of the store greets Jeonghan like friends who haven't seen each other in years, and assures him that she'll give him a nice discount.

They try on several hanboks, come out of their dressing room and are forced to walk down the hall like this is some kind of fashion show. It's silly for Hansol, but Samue loves it, loves the attention. And he's got the attention of his two uncles and the clerk lady, so he tries his best and draws smiles on everyone's faces, including Hansol.  
  
When is his turn, he actually _tries_ to follow up with Samuel's amazing runway, excesively moving with embarrassing gestures. Jeonghan's probably recording the whole thing and Hansol doesn't really care by now.

In the end and between the whole silliness, Samuel chooses one that's got a green uper jacket and dark purple pants. Jeonghan insists on taking the little hat too, and though Hansol means to pay everything, he's _actually_ shocked to see Jeonghan took care of it, even his. Which is blue like Seungkwan asked him too, but he didn't know what kind of shade the other meant cause when he asked the clerk for a blue one she showed him five different shades.  
  
He wanted to call the other or at least text him but Jeonghan was around and chose a dark blue for him with red pants. Hansol dug his phone into his pocket before Jeonghan could see it and ask.

They eat in a restaurant after that, and he means to pay, he _really_ does, because the whole day has been one of the bests for him. Samuel has been spoiled like it's his birthday, delighted with the attention and cooing his uncles give him. He laughs with beautiful smiles and Hansol's mood is normally lifted with just that, but the other two keep making jokes and it feels like he's back in the States again, enjoying another afternoon with friends, so he's in some kind of euphoria state right now. So he wants to treat them both at least once but when he's back from the restroom, Joshua's giving his credit card to their waitress.

"Would you let me pay at least _once?_ " He asks, half frustrated half thankful.

Jeonghan and Joshua give each other a glance and Jeonghan answers, "you can buy us an ice cream" which has Samuel screaming on the top of his lunges, "ICE CREAM!"

Which is also a total lie in the end because Jeonghan beats him and pays for their four ice creams just when Hansol's taking out his card. He giggles at Hansol's defeated expression but doesn't say anything. Joshua simply pats him on the back, occupied with his mint chocolate ice cream.

The next day, Chuseok, Jeonghan teaches Samuel how to make songpyeons, which is pretty educative and Samuel's happy to have a story to tell once he goes back to class. Hansol hopes he's saved with the excuse that he has a lot of work waiting for him (which is not a lie, but it's not as urgent as he claimed it was either) but Jeonghan doesn't let him skip it, sitting everyone in his living room to do it all together, using their hanboks.  
  
The songpyeons end up quite messy but tasty nevertheless. They play with the remaining dough and have a good laugh about it, so it's a nice afternoon.

Hansol makes Samuel go give a few to their neighbors, or at least the ones that are there. Wonwoo and Mingyu are still not back from Wonwoo's parents, and though he thought Minghao and Jun would be away too, they surprisingly are not. Jun's the one to open the door this time, and he's a smiley guy to begin with so his mouth stretches a whole lot more when he registers the cute Samuel with the little tray of different colored songpyeons.

"These are for us?" Jun asks, for which Samuel nods. "Minghao!" He screams, and the other appears soon enough. "Look what Samuel brought for us!"

"Wow! Did you make these?" Samuel nods shyly. Hansol observes the scene as he leaning against the wall, smiling himself. "You are so good at cooking!"

"My uncles helped me!" Samuel informs, and Jun takes the tray from his tiny hands.

"Your uncles?" Jun questions.

"Two friends came from the States" Hansol explains, "they'll be staying with us for a couple of weeks, so, if you happen to see them, that's why."

Vernon and Samuel go back to their apartment once Jun ends his dramatical chewing as he claims these are the best songpyeons he's ever tried in his whole life. They give some to Jung ahjumma too, and finally they find their female neighbor in her apartment once they knock.

Her name's Myungeun and she's actually pretty nice with Samuel. Everyone changes their tone voice once they're talking with him, treating him like… well, a kid. But Myungeun keeps the same tone of voice with him, which is pretty nice to begin with. She kneels down to have an eye to eye conversation and Samuel seems pretty pleased with her too, apparently to the point of mustering the courage to hug her, for which she's surprised herself.  
  
They bid goodbye moments later, but Samuel can't stop talking about her for the rest of the afternoon, saying that she was really nice and apparently smelled really good.

Hansol can't say, he wasn't paying her much attention.

That night they all watch half of Sponge Bob's movie before they're passed out cold in his couch. Hansol wakes up at one in the morning with a cramped neck, and elbows Joshua to wake up too so they can all continue sleeping in their own rooms. Samuel's got his arms tangled in Jeonghan's neck, and Hansol tries twice to untangle him but neither of them are letting go, so he gives up and walks to his room, falling onto his bed and falling asleep almost instantly.

He's waken up an hour later by the sound of Samuel's crying.

Hansol's got barely two seconds to sit over the bed before Jeonghan's opening his door with a crying Samuel in his arms. The older looks preoccupied and confused, hair disheveled still. Samuel deattaches from Jeonghan's neck and looks back at Hansol with need, raising his hands and signaling him that he wants to be hold, by _him,_ specifically.

"What's wrong?" Hansol asks, although he kind of knows the answer.

"I don't know, we were completely fine in the couch but he must've woken up and— well, it's obvious that he doesn't want _me_."

Hansol hums. Samuel's half sitting over him, arms now around _his_ neck and the little crying mess against his shoulder. He's humming and whispering sweet words with his eyes closed so Samuel can calm down. When the infant finally does and looks like he has fallen asleep too, he then opens his eyes and finds a very worried Jeonghan still sitting by the end of the bed.

"What?"

"Is that normal?" Jeonghan asks.

"I don't know, never had someone to sleep in." Hansol answers, kind of averting the question.

"Does he sleep with you every night?"

He sighs. And nods.

"Hansol—"

"Don't say it."

"He's six."

" _Five,_ actually."

"And he shouldn't be sleeping with you."

Hansol's really sleepy and he doesn't want to have this conversation, not right now, not later, not never. He's thankful that Joshua's still sleeping or the other would be pressing onto him too and he'd lose his calm pretty fast. But by the look the other is giving him, he knows it's not long until he tells this to Joshua and then he'll have to deal with that too.

"It harms no one." He lies.

"It harms _him._ " Jeonghan points out. "He's gonna cling onto you, and he's six—"

"—five—"

"—whatever," he hisses, "that's age enough to be sleeping on his own."

Hansol keeps quiet because he knows. He knows very damn well that Samuel's still pretty immature with him, that he acts like a three year old when he's almost six, and purposely clings onto Hansol because he knows the other won't push him away, because Samuel never annoys him. It's not like the infant is attatched to him by the hip, because they didn't have much problem when Samuel started school, because he knows he'll be seeing Hansol later still.  
  
Even when he's working, Samuel doesn't bother him. He, instead, waits, because he knows Hansol will be coming out of his office at some point, and he'll be curling into Hansol's side by the end of the day, and Hansol would never push him away.

He knows that normal kids sleep alone. Normal kids prefer walk back to their home or take the school's bus, hell, the only reason why Seungcheol picks up Chan is because he's got too much time in his hands, but it's obvious that Chan would probably like it better if he were able to walk back alone, even at his own age because their neighborhood is really safe and there's nothing to worry about.

But nothing about this is normal. Samuel's not his son. He's his nephew, but they never say it. He's his dead sister's son and his in charge of him just because for some reason Hansol's ignorant of, she thought it'd be nice to write down his name as Samuel's guardian instead of his parents. So he doesn't know how is it _normally_ done for cases like this.

Jeonghan sighs. He's tired, probably because of the exciting day they just had, Hansol wants to think.

"I don't want to tell you how to raise your kid," He says when he's standing by the door, almost outside. His hand's hovering over the switch. "but, just… give it a thought. Don't sweep it under the rug, okay?"

Hansol nods, shifting into a better position, and Jeonghan wishes him a goodnight before turning off the lights and closing the door behind him.

It takes Hansol at least an hour to fall asleep after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (istg no more angst........) next chapter's coming the day after tomorrow w/ THE date! comments are appreciated ^^


	7. a certain romance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posted sooner for #ohmy1stwin!!!!!

 

Hansol has never considered himself an expert in the dating area, although he'd hardly say he's a noob about it.

His first date was with a girl at the age of thirteen. She was a classmate he shared a few classes with, but not enough to notice her until another friend came with the _she told me that you're really cute but don't tell her I told you,_ and when his other friends heard about this, he was basically forced to go out with her. It's not like he didn't like her, but he was still in that limbo area where he thought girls were disgusting yet he admited they were pretty too. It was confusing, even for himself, so he didn't think much about it before agreeing into a date.

He doesn't remember her name, and that must tell you a lot of things. The fair was in town that weekend, and Hansol remembers being excited to go there, mostly thinking about all the fun rides he was gonna take instead of thinking that there'd be a girl standing right next to him the entire night.

That night he got her an enourmous white bear he originally got for Sofia (and because he liked playing shooting with the fake rifles), but he didn't go farther than holding her hand. He was sweating, but he wasn't sure if it was because he liked her or that he was mostly anxious about the whole thing. He walked her back to her house but didn't attempt to kiss his cheek like friends told him that he should do. After that, they never contacted each other, only simple waves were exchanged in the hallways and every other small talk in parties until she started dating another friend of his.

It was until he was sixteen that he dated a girl he _actually_ liked. She had long brown curly hair and Hansol liked playing with it when she slept through classes. She wasn't the best student, but neither was he, so he didn't mind about that. She was cool to be around with, understood Hansol's jokes and still played a bit hard to get, making Hansol work to even ask her out.

They kissed for the first time in a parking lot. The kiss was kind of weird, too much lip and few tongue, though somehow with lots of saliva. She seemed to enjoy it so Hansol didn't stop it, not until his mouth was getting cramped. Later on he knew how to actually give a good kiss, but the first time always lingers in his mind like a cherished memory. Sticky, but cherished.

Hansol doesn't remember the first time he kissed a boy, though. He knows it was in a friend's party and he was too wasted to even point out where his nose was, but he does remember the kiss itself. It was better than with his first girlfriend, it wasn't as messy, a little bit rough but steady. The boy he kissed wasn't someone he knew nor did they become a thing after. It was probably Hansol's wildest experience, coming to realize that maybe he'd much rather kiss boys than girls.

After then, things had happened on their own. One afternoon he came out to his parents expecting the worst and hoping for the best and got a little bit of both outcomes. They hadn't had the best first reaction but neither did they ask Hansol to move out, and they came around the idea soon enough, accepting his son like how he decided to be. Sofia, in her fourteen, had just worried about his brother getting the better boys, for which Hansol had a really good laugh about.

A few boys (and girls still) came and went as time passed and he moved to his new place. He learned what happened after the third date, about having someone over and not just _talk_ , about the morning afterwards and how to proceed with that. It all became too simple since he was repeating the same process every time, never trying anything new.

And that is why he feels nervous as he walks out of his apartment, on his way to Seungkwan's.

For starter, he hasn't had a date in forever, so he's definitely rusty in that area. Then, the experience he has had has been a bit too laidback, too casual, too— insignificant. He never knew what the other person actually wanted, if they were hoping to actually have a relationship with him, and being completely honest; Hansol didn't care either. Back then things seemed too relaxed, he probably felt that way too.

He doesn't know what Seungkwan wants either, but the circumstances are different. They didn't meet with the purpose to have a fling neither to test the waters and see how'd be to be with the other. They had started in a teacher-student's parent relationship then somehow moved to friends and now— well, it's hard to deny there has been _something_ between them, but this time around, things seem so important.

Hansol is no longer a teenager nor immature. He no longer lives on his own, doesn't really have the same lifestyle as someone his age, and what he has with Seungkwan isn't something that simple. If things weren't going to turn out the way he wanted, there'd defintely be some awkward moments every time they'd see each other afterwards. He would no longer be able to act nonchalant and ignore the other. And the thing is: he doesn't think things will turn out that way.

For once, he has the hope, and some kind of certain that it'll turn out well enough, because— this is _Seungkwan._ His heart races with only thinking about him, his voice and interest are sincere when they talk, and they just seem to fit, somehow. Perhaps. That's what Hansol believes, at least.

 

 

Seungkwan lives in a completely different district than him. Hansol has to take two buses and walk a few block to reach his apartment complex. The zone is not necessarily pricey, Seoul is pricey as it is, but he's a little surprised to find a pad of doorbells outside of the building, one for each apartment. He makes sure to ring the right one and a few seconds later, Seungkwan is opening the main door for him.

He rides the elevator up to Seungkwan's apartment, cleaning the sweat in his hands over his jeans. He takes his phone out once and twice, unlocking it to see if he's got any missing calls or texts. Which he doesn't, and that kind of makes him even more nervous.

"What did I tell you?" Jeonghan all but deadpans at him once he answers Hansol's call.

"Not to call you, but—"

"So why in God's name are you calling me when you're supposed to be at your date? Oh my god— did he cancel it?"

"What? No, it's just—"

"Then don't call me!" Jeonghan scolds.

"I just wanted to make sure everything was alright, okay?" He's left Samuel back in the apartment with Jeonghan and Joshua who happily agreed to babysit him. He was really calling for that, but also, and for the most part, because he was standing before Seungkwan's door and he's kind of freaking out.

"Everything _is_ alright, you just worry about your date, boy." Jeonghan says, sounding more understanding now. "Look, Samuel's watching Toy Story and we're preparing some board games. So, it's alright. Where are you?"

"I, uh— outside of his apartment."

"Are you nervous?"

"Uh, I dunno, is the sky blue?"

Jeonghan snorts. "Not anymore, actually. It's grey. Prolly will rain, I told you to take the umbrella with you but you didn't listen. Anyway, don't stand outside like a freak. Hang up and knock on his door."

Hansol breathes, deep. "Yeah, yeah. I will. Thanks, hyung." Jeonghan laughs, saying something along the lines of _don't screw it up_ before hanging up himself.

When he finally gathers the courage to do knock, Seungkwan takes one to zero seconds to open the door. Hansol fears he's known he's been outside all along, and with his kind of luck, that's probably what happened.

But Seungkwan is nice, (and _smells_ nice, like he just came out of the shower) and greets him instead.

"Hey! Come on in! Let me just grab my keys and we're good to go, water?"

Hansol is slightly taken aback, and not because of Seungkwan's friendly words, but because the last time he saw him, Seungkwan wasn't _blond._

Seungkwan's place seems ten times cozier than Hansol's. There are a few family pictures hanged around as well as some artistic paintings he would never recognize. His living room looks like it was taken out from an IKEA catalogue, and there are three— no, four plants standing around, all green and vivid.

"I'm good" Hansol smiles, and he reckons Seungkwan wouldn't have really give him anything anyway cause he's walking back to the entrance before his answer is out.

He can't stop eyeing his hair, though. Like he's got a bird nest over his head, or so Seungkwan must think Hansol believes.

"What—?"

"Your… hair" Hansol mutters, still speechless.

"Oh— yeah. You remember my sister Jinseol, right? Well, she was convinced I would pull off blond and I was totally against it but—"

"But you do" Hansol interrupts.

"Huh?"

"You pulled off blond. You suit blond, hell, you rock it, you—"

Seungkwan chuckles. "Thanks, I think I got the idea."

Once they're outside, waiting for the elevator that's taking its sweet time, Hansol gives a long glance at Seungkwan's appearance, finally dropping the blond situation.

He didn't really dress up, like Hansol told him to do. Just a plain shirt with some denim jeans, a matching jacket and red converses. He looks good, of course, but also really young. He'd easily pass underage if he wanted to, which is a bit alarming. Seungkwan has always been cute looking, even when he's serious and all dressed up, and now isn't really a difference.

"So? Where are we going?" He pushes him by the shoulder, entering the elevator.

"Where do you want to go?"

Seungkwan gasps. "So you didn't plan anything?"

"No, I did. But if you wanted to go—"

"Nope, whatever you planned is alright." He smiles. "Which is...?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Ugh."

 

He _did_ plan the date, but the fact that the fair was in town wasn't planned _at all._ It just happened to be one of the greateast coincidences, because although it's kind of an out-of-the-book kind of date, Hansol is pretty excited himself. He's still a child on the inside, and he'd be dying to go to a fair sooner or later, so why not with Seungkwan?

This is, of course, hoping that Seungkwan will like it himself. He looks like the kind of guy that'd like it, but he doesn't trust his gut with appearances anymore, not after the Jeonghan and cats incident a few years back when they weren't close enough yet. Seriously, who would've said he's got an ailurophobia? And why didn't Joshua tell him?

But if Seungkwan's pre-excitement is anything to go by, then he's probably in the right track. Hopefully. The other doesn't stop asking all the way there, not when they're paying for the subway tickets or when they're riding it, fully packed with teenagers and elderlies. He even complains with an old lady that Hansol's keeping something from him, and explains it ten times more dramatically than it really is. Hansol is scolded and turning red when the lady says, " _relationships don't last without sincerity!"_ Seungkwan laughed, having the time of his life.

When they finally walk up from the underground subway and Seungkwan sees the ferris wheel and the endless variety of rides, he gasps. Hansol looks at him, waiting for the verbal reaction, smiling but not so camly.

"Hansol..." Is all Seungkwan cares to say, and gasps even more when they walk closer.

"So do you like it or—?"

"Do— do I _like_ it? I fucking love it!" Seungkwan curses, punching him lightly. "I haven't been in a fair in forever! And I didn't even know they were coming, since when—?"

"It's their first day" Hansol informs.

"That explains why there's so much people" Seungkwan laughs.

Hansol pays for both of their tickets that give them access to all of the mechanical rides, and Seungkwan complains that he wanted to pay for his ticket but Hansol doesn't even pay him attention.

"What do you want to try first?" Seungkwan asks, fixing the green paper bracelet in his wrist. He's eyeing a ride in particular already.

"Whichever you w—"

"Let's try that one!" And he's pulling him by the hand.

Hansol isn't scared of heights, and any concern of Seungkwan being is soon forgotten. The older chooses a high ride first named _the hammer_ where they'll go round and round in the air, and considering that there's a giant trash right besides it, it's a strong one. They're sitting side by side and Seungkwan's excitement doesn't falter a one bit.

"You'll be alright, right?" He asks then, probably just then considering that Hansol might not go well with high rides.

Hansol flashes out another smile, and he nods. Seungkwan mirrors the smile and wriggles happily until the ride's finally moving. He takes Hansol's hand in his, and it's only Hansol who realizes this. Seungkwan's too occupied screaming his lungs out, somehow still… excited?

Hansol isn't the type to scream when excited, and if he does, he doesn't sound like he's being exorcised or living his worst nightmare, which, are pretty accurately ways to describe Seungkwan's state. It's mostly funny, because Seungkwan's still smiling as his eyes squint, his hand goes white with the tension and he's screaming " _Mom!"_ like there's no tomorrow.

When they hop off, Hansol expects Seungkwan to choose something lighter. Like the mary-go-round, or one of tiny rockin' tugs perhaps (although the line's consists of kids not older than ten). But no, his eyes fall on one called _cliffhanger_ and if the name's anything to go by… oh boy.

It isn't as bad as Hansol expected, though he didn't expect to spend the ride lying down. It's not as scary, and Seungkwan, again, enfolds his hand in Hansol's and that's enough to not worry at all, at least over the ride.

The next one on the list is _frisbee_ and— yeah. The name says it all. It's the most scary so far, and Hansol does scream in this one. But does it count as screams if he's also laughing his ass of because of the way Seungkwan considers it's the best place to start confessing his sins to God?

It's not until two rides later and after Seungkwan informs him that he's hungry that he learns why Seungkwan chose the strongest ones first.

"Well, first, because I was riding them with an empty stomach." Seungkwan lists once Hansol's picked up their hot dogs and french fries, which he paid, against Seungkwan's request to do half and half. "and it's always better like that, to avoid, well— that." And he points at a boy that's throwing up in a trash can not so far away from them. Hansol chuckles.

"That makes sense."

"Also, because the lines get much more longer as time passes by" And again, his point is proven because they glance at the _cliffhanger_ waiting line and it's three times longer than how it was when they first rode it. The line folds at least three times, and it reminds Hansol to the time he used to played the snake game in his dad's phone when he was little.

"You sound like a pro" Hansol comments, and Seungkwan fakes a cocky laugh as he bites on his french fries.

They stay in a semi-quiet moment as they eat and drink their sodas, Seungkwan laughing by how the lady besides them is zoning out as she eats and he points that he's just the same, and Hansol… well, Hansol always keeps quiet when he's around Seungkwan.

It's not like he's got nothing to say, but Seungkwan has always been entertaining and interesting enough to just look and enjoy. But Seungkwan is no clown and say less dumb, and he's soon scolding Hansol for not saying anything, not even after they've eaten everything. Hansol apoloziges, although by this point, it's just a bad habit.

"What do you want to ride now?" Seungkwan asks, after coming back from the men's restroom. Hansol's about to answer, but a thunder cuts him off. "Uh-oh."

"Do you think it'll rain soon?"

Both of them eye the sky. It's much more grey than it was before, and the clouds look fat and depressing. Seungkwan hums.

"Maybe in half an hour. We can have one or two rides if you choose wisely."

"Me?" 

Seungkwan scoffs. "Well, yeah. You prepared this. What did you have in mind to ride?"

Hansol had three things in mind when he decided to have the date at the fair. One, the ferris wheel.

He planned to do it way later though, when the night had actually set and the Seoul light would be all on, illuminating the city prettily. There'd be passing cars in the streets nearby, and Seungkwan would point at them, probably wanting to come up with a story for them. Hansol would then gather the courage to take his hand in his, and Seungkwan would smile. And it wouldn't be until the top of the ferris wheel when they'd kiss. It was set to be the most romantic thing he could even come up with.

The second thing is the mary-go-round.

Yes, that's a kids' ride, but something about the idea of riding it with his special other screamed _perfect_ in his head. He'd sit with Seungkwan, or they'd probably sit separated, each one in their own horse. That's cool too. Their hands would be linked still, and it'd be enough. Seungkwan would smile, laugh and perhaps mock Hansol for wanting to ride this, and that'd be cool too.

The third— well. The third's a secret, and something that won't close even if it starts raining.

Hansol decides to first go and do some shooting games. There's the balloon and dart, the bottle stand and his favorite: the moving ducks shooting. His weapon of choice is the rifle, and Seungkwan awes when Hansol knocks five in a row. Even the clerck guy is impressed, and when he finishes it up cleanly, the clerck is offering him a double or nothing. Seungkwan pushes him excitedly to accept, and so Hansol does.

The second time around is a bit harder, the ducks move much more rapidly than before and Hansol is waisting a lot of ammo. Seungkwan's yelling and cheering from the side, coming up with a choreography that one would say is from a girl group. Hansol wouldn't know.

In the end, he does knock everything down. He's a bit out of breath and also a bit flusteres with Seungkwan's cheering, but mostly hyped. The clerck laughs at the two of them and lets them choose whichever price they want. Hansol turns to Seungkwan, as if telling him to choose him. They have an eye to eye conversation in which Hansol's telling him that he won't choose, and Seungkwan is soon blushing slightly.

"I want that one" Seungkwan says, and points at— yes, the tall polar bear. It's half of Seungkwan's height, but they must've over-stuffed it, 'cause it's really fat. Seungkwan can barely hold it with one hand, but manages, peting its head with a bright smile. "Thanks, Hansol."

Hansol takes Seungkwan's hand and rushes toward the mary-go-round when he hears another burst from the cloudly sky, convincing himself that there'd be a much better moment for the ferris wheel. The mary-go-round doesn't have much people riding it nor waiting in line, which is perfect.

They sit side by side in the carriage, Polar (because apparently Seungkwan's a fan of We Bare Bears and he just _had_ to name it like that) sitting by the other side, and Hansol waits for the moment where Seungkwan will mock him for choosing this, when there's obviously a ton of better rides. But that moment never comes, and their hands are still holding. Seungkwan keeps quiet for once, enjoying the soft ride.

Something about that makes Hansol speak up.

"When I was really _really_ little, like, Sofia hadn't been born yet _little_ , we used to go to Colorado a lot, where my mom's side of the family lives. I don't know why we stopped going as much later but, I do remember one summer when we went, and the fair was in town. My cousins wanted to go, and they were all older than me, so all of them opted for the scary rides, the ones I wasn't allowed to ride.

"They all left me at the mary-go-around, and I gotta say, I fucking loved it. Maybe they forgot for a while about me being there, or maybe they did check up on me and saw me the most happiest and left me be. Either way, I sat over a white horse, just like that one, for what could easily be three to four hours, and I absolutely loved it."

Seungkwan doesn't say anything for a few seconds, just look at Hansol with amusement. He's soon turning a little red with embarrassement, but he doesn't regret saying it. He hopes that Seungkwan's seeing this as him opening up more, because that's exactly what's happening.

"So the white hourse was your pick of choice?" Seungkwan asks, and it sounds half like a joke and half serious.

"It's actually the black horse but I couldn't get off the white one." Hansol laughs, "I pretended to like it there, that way the clerk wouldn't force me to step out of the mary-go-roung altogether."

Seungkwan laughs, eyes squinting prettily and hand slightly squeezing his. The colored lights of the mary-go-round light up his sillouette, his blond hair, his round cheeks and even reach his wet lips. Hansol feels bold enough to reach down, and kiss his cheek.

Seungkwan's smile doesn't faltter, not for one bit. He instead accepts the kiss that lasts a bit more than a few seconds, and looks back at Hansol with what he hopes are the same emotions he's conveying. Adoration. Happiness.

He digs out his phone from his pocket, and moves away from Seungkwan.

"What are you doing?" Seungkwan questions.

"Can I take a photo of you?" He asks, although he doesn't wait for the answer, and snaps a few pictures of Seungkwan's confused expression that turns into a bubbly laugh, with polar and the marvelous lights on the background.

He doesn't know much about art, but this has got to be _it._

 

 

The third thing Hansol had planned has nothing to do with the fair, and lucky him, because when they step out of the mary-go-round, he feels droplets of water falling over his head.

Seungkwan covers up Polar with his jacket, and they make a run for the nearest establishment, just like everyone else. Somewhere between those ten minutes in the mary-go-round, the sky had finally turned dark and the night had arrived. He can't see much past two meters, and he squeezes Seungkwan's hand before running again.

"Where are we going?" The older asks, but Hansol doesn't answer. He's busy trying to locate the— ah, yes. There it is.

They run under the rain for a last time, and amidst the rushed people just like them and the soft rain that is soon turning into some kind of storm, Hansol feels excitement running through his veins. Seungkwan's hand in his, clothes slightly wet and the rush of the whole day accumulating in this very moment.

When they're finally under cover, Seungkwan takes his denim jacket off Polar, and frowns when he asks, "An ice cream shop?"

Hansol chooses for coffee flavour and Seungkwan almond dark chocolate. He pays before Seungkwan's got the chance to take out his wallet, and feels some kind of pride knowing the whole date's on him. It's probably because of Jeonghan and Joshua who don't let him pay anything, not while they're here. Seungkwan huffs, defeated, and focuses on his ice cream instead.

They make a run to a roofed bench where almost no one is aiming to go, everyone calling for a cab or on their way to the subway station or nearest bus stop. Seungkwan tries to lick on the drops of ice cream, and Hansol rushes to give him a few napkins before he's making a mess over his jeans.

"Thanks," Seungkwan laughs. "So, this was your idea?"

Hansol throws away the used napkins, and hums, licking his own ice cream.

"Why ice cream, though?"

He keeps quiet. Ignores the question and acts as if he didn't hear it in the first place, pointing at no one in particular and laughing, hoping that Seungkwan _does_ find something to laugh at.

And he does. He laughs at Hansol.

"What?" He asks now, half offended half nervous.

And Seungkwan's the one to shake his head this time, choosing not to answer.

One minute later, Hansol proceeds.

"How does your ice cream tastes like?"

Seungkwan licks his thumb and hands him the ice cream. Hansol closes his mouth over the tip of it, fully knowing how almond dark chocolate tastes like. He hums though, 'cause it's always tasty. When Seungkwan talks after, it's almost impossible to hide the smile, but he manages.

"Let me taste yours," Seungkwan says, sitting closer and aiming for Hansol's ice cream, but the other has a much better idea.

He places his hand over the back of Seungkwan's neck, and guides him to his own mouth so he can taste the coffee ice cream from his tongue. Seungkwan's gasp dies between their mouths.

Perhaps it was a bit too much for a first kiss, but in Hansol's defense, this wouldn't have happened if Seungkwan hadn't asked for a taste, and he was almost certain that it'd happen.

Hansol keeps the kiss short but lengthy enough for Seungkwan to really taste the ice cream, and _him_ for that matter. When he breaks off the kiss, the older has his eyes half closed, still focused on Hansol's lips. Hansol sees when the older closes his mouth, tastes the coffee from his own lips, and opens his mouth again.

"How was it?" Hansol asks in a soft voice, loud enough for only Seungkwan to hear.

The older chuckles. Perhaps he caught on Hansol's intentions from the start, perhaps he's just flusttered, perhaps a little bit of both and a bit of wanting _more._ He shakes his head.

"I think I'll need a second taste."

The second kiss is much more better than the first one. First, because it lasts more than Hansol can remember, and second, because there's a point where Hansol stops tasting the almost dark chocolate and simply tastes _him._

They probably kissed for a minute, or two, or perhaps ten, or they literally spent their whole lives kissing and then they died and reincarnated in two exact copies of their past selves and started from this particular moment. The point is: they kissed enough time to feel their ice creams completely melt over their hands, and they couldn't care less.

Hansol's hand hasn't moved from the back of Seungkwan's neck. Instead, it has reached further up, playing with the back of his hair. Seungkwan started from tugging Hansol's shirt, silently asking for less distance and more contact. But when they're finally breaking off and breathing in some sweet and needed air, he relocates his hand over Hansol's cheek.

They peck once and twice, and enough times to make then bubble up a giggle, like two high school students in love. Hansol just can't take off his eyes from Seungkwan's, or his lips, which are much more red and swollen now. Seungkwan keeps himself at a little finger long distance, always coming back to peck him again. His lips. His cheeks, and then hiding his head in the crook of Hansol's neck.

Hansol pats the back of his head, blindly reaching for Seungkwan's ice cream cone and throwing them both onto the trash can.

"Thanks," Seungkwan says a minute later, and Hansol isn't done yet with playing with the back of his hair. Seungkwan reaches for his cheeks one last time, with both hands, including the one that's got the melted ice cream. Hansol chuckles, but doesn't reject the kiss that comes after.

They clean their hands with the rain, and Seungkwan tugs on Polar with one hand, the other enfold in Hansol's as they walk back to the subway station. It's not as packed this time, and Hansol's surprised to see that it's ten pm.

They sit side by side in the subway, Seungkwan's head resting over his shoulder. Hansol hates to break off the moment, but he tries still.

"Do you want to come and say hi to Samuel?" Hansol whispers, and Seungkwan instantly nods, a satisfied smile appearing in his face.

Hansol quietly laughs, and rests his head over the window.

He allows himself to reminisce the past few months, from the moment he decided that Korea would be far better to acquire the happiness he failed to find back in New York, for both him and Samuel, to the moment he saw Seungkwan dancing with Samuel in his living room, and for a faint moment, he thought in the back of his mind, if happiness was _that_ moment in particular.

He finds himself with the same excitement he's been experimenting all day long, but this time is because he can't wait the moment Seungkwan will do something like that again. Will meet Jeonghan and Joshua, and they'll perhaps start gossiping about Hansol's most embarrasing moments, and he can't bring himself to care if they do. He wants for them to meet, he wants to introduce Seungkwan to everybody— although all his friends here know him already, but hell to that, he wants to do it again. Because Seungkwan wasn't then what he is now.

Because Hansol wasn't yet convinced that coming here was the best decision he could have ever made like he is now, with Seungkwan's hand in his and head in shoulder, the two of them in a deserted subway car in the middle of the night.

He feels like he can do better. He can become a better adult figure for Samuel, can overcome his own demons, can look at someone in the eye and trully mean it when he says he _is_ happy. All of this, only with Seungkwan by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we have reached the end............. of hansol's perspective. hope you know what i mean with that, because yes, we're continuing! i'm not even half way done with the domestic things i have prepared for verkwan and samuel, this time in seungkwan's perspective! i hope you guys like this ending, cause i really do myself haha. i'll try to come back in no time, but until then, byebye and thank you to those who have read this from the very beginning, to those that read it until it finished, to those who leave their kudos, to those who comment and also to the ghost readers who still keep up with everything quietly!! thank you all so so much.  
> also, befriend me in [ twitter](http://www.twitter.com/sinagyu) pls uwu


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